By JIM DONALDSON, The Providence Journal

What with the World Series going on, this seems like a good time to ask the simple sports question: What is America's "National Pastime?"

If you answered "baseball," you're hopelessly out of touch. Or Bud Selig. Which, come to think of it, are synonymous.

"At 12:51 a.m., the Red Sox players began to celebrate in a closed-door party with cigars, champagne and beers. Their alcohol-soaked hats read: Wild Card Champions."

-- Providence Journal's Joe McDonald in Wednesday's editions.

Wild-card champions?

What, exactly, is a wild-card "champion?"

Matty Ice.

That's the nickname Matt Ryan was given when he was quarterbacking the Boston College Eagles.

Matty Ice.

Because he was so cool. Especially when the heat was on.

Matty Ice.

This just in: Tom Brady's still Terrific, and the Buffalo Bills still stink.

Talk about snatching victory from the jaws of defeat. Or, in the case of the Bills, snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

Buffalo had an upset of Niagara Falls proportions all but locked up after taking a 24-13 lead over their perennial nemesis New England with 5:32 remaining Monday night.

Chad Ochocinco. Has a certain ring to it. Considerably more catchy than Chad (ho-hum) Johnson, don't you think?

There are innumerable Johnsons in the world, but only one Ochocinco. It's a name that's hard to forget.

The jokes abound regarding randy University of Louisville basketball coach Rick Pitino. There's the one about him calling a restaurant and asking for a table for two. At which point, the maitre d' inquires: "Would you like silverware with that?"

As well as: Rick Pitino never orders the table d'hote; only the table that's hot.

FDR gave America the New Deal, which helped bring the country out of the Depression. President Obama has given us "Cash for Clunkers," which is a Great Deal and has raised the spirits of depressed automakers, auto dealers, and, best of all, auto buyers.

Blindsided.

That's the word David Ortiz, Boston manager Terry Francona and GM Theo Epstein all used in talking about the revelation Thursday that Big Papi -- along with former Boston Red Sox, and now Los Angeles Dodgers, outfielder Manny Ramirez -- were among the 100-plus players who tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs in 2003.

Blindsided.

"We're not trying to embarrass the best players in the game. We're trying to identify them."
Sandy Tatum, a USGA official, made that since oft-repeated comment about the U.S. Open in 1974, when players complained loud and long about the fiendish difficulty course at Winged Foot, where Hale Irwin was the winner, despite shooting 7-over-par.

They are, in the pretentious parlance of the National Football League, an Organized Team Activity.