By BARTON GOLDSMITH, Scripps Howard News Service

So the bloom is off the rose, and your relationship has been heading south for a few months or perhaps even years. Both of you know it, but neither of you talks about it.

You have entered the relationship doldrums.

Saying hurtful things will push anyone away, and if you do it enough, no one will want to connect or communicate with you. At that point, you will no longer have an emotional support structure, and joy may be as elusive as a shooting star.

Many people think that they are supposed to live anxiety-free. Not so. Anxiety is part of the human condition. We all experience it on almost a daily basis in one form or another, and in some ways it can be helpful.

Being prepared, whether it is for a date, a presentation or the future, will allow you to show off your best assets and help you feel safe.

If you prepare, although you may not remember every trick in the book, you've probably read about them at some point, so you already have many of the answers in your head.

You've been without a partner for a while, so you braced yourself for the winter holidays, and, surprisingly, they weren't nearly as bad as you thought they would be. You attended some lovely gatherings, ate good food, got a present or two and even danced a little.

Being in touch with your feelings will make you a better person as well as a better parent and partner. Being true to your emotions can't help but make you feel better about yourself, for you're able to be authentic.

Albert Einstein said: "We all need to see the universe as friendly."

Believing that life is on your side reduces the fear that the world is out to get you. It also increases your confidence because you won't be looking over your shoulder for the other shoe to drop. Making friends with life allows you to enjoy playing with life as well as be a player in it.

Sometimes things just don't work out. Murphy's law seems to be the way of your world, and you feel disillusioned with your life and perhaps yourself.

Emotions are at the core of our motivation: they are our muses and they are why we continue on with life even in the face of disappointment or disaster. You may know many emotional people, and you may be one yourself. Being emotional is not a bad thing. As a psychotherapist (and a human being), I believe that emotions are a good thing.

Your ability to give your partner an emotional boost when he or she is feeling bad is a better cure than Prozac. When life is kicking sand in your face, it's natural to turn to the one who loves you the most. If that person can really be there for you with emotional support and kind words of encouragement, it can make a big difference in how you feel. It's almost too simple.