ShareThisWith the humblest of apologies to Sir Charles Darwin, I don't believe that survival of the fittest applies any longer. In the world today knowing how to handle failures -- and also how to use them to move ahead -- determines who goes the way of the Dodo bird and who evolves.
If you were to ask those who have made their lives meaningful, I am sure that the vast majority would say that their failures taught them lessons and gave them the inspiration to succeed. Whenever I am asked how I got here (wherever that is), I say that it was by making a lot of mistakes and learning from them.
Turning a perceived failure into a stepping-stone isn't rocket science; it's one part inspiration and two parts perspiration. As a writer I get rejected on a regular basis (which kind of reminds me of finding a date for the prom). I read what editors say, get exasperated, complain needlessly, make some useless phone calls, send some even more useless e-mails and think heavily about becoming the lawyer my mother wanted.
After I've exhausted myself purging the initial disappointment, I finally look at what was said and begin making the necessary changes in the manuscript.
It may take you some time and practice to develop your own process, but there is no question that you and whatever you are working on -- be it personal or professional -- will be better for it.
This kind of thinking also improves your problem-solving skills so that the next time you have a challenge, you'll have more ideas and energy to correct the situation. It also builds your confidence because you fixed the problem yourself. Those who take the easy way out and simply walk away from a possible failure never reap those benefits. They also spend the rest of their lives wondering what could have been, and for me that's a very sad prospect.
To begin the stepping-stone approach, start by believing that you haven't failed; you just found some ways that didn't work for you at the moment. Your work might need to be tuned up, but don't scrap it. Keeping a file of all your ideas, the ones that worked and the ones that didn't. That is a great way to avoid losing a gem. Even if the idea isn't the right one the first time you thought of it, you may well find a use for it in the future.
There is an old saying that those who do not learn from their mistakes will repeat them. A wise person is someone who learns from failures, pure and simple. It may not feel like a good thing when you first discover that you've made an error, but we all know it's human. Using those missteps to help you reach the next level -- now that's divine.
Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a marriage and family therapist, can be reached via e-mail at Barton(at)BartonGoldsmith.com.
(Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a marriage and family therapist in Westlake Village, Calif., is the author of "Emotional Fitness for Couples."E-mail him at Barton(at)BartonGoldsmith.com)
Failure and job loss
I couldn't agree with you more. Several years ago I was fired by a major educational publishing company as director of one of its divisions. The first thing I did was phone my business coach. With a large smile on my face I said, “Let’s celebrate, Fred. I just got fired.” Of course when I first heard the news I was upset about this seemingly major failure in my life. It’s only normal.
But then I realized:
- I didn’t like the managerial style - say one thing and do another, for example - of the people I was working with, especially the president and one of his vice presidents.
- I didn’t appreciate the working conditions, which I considered inflexible.
- I hated the long drive to and from work – a real nightmare!
- I thought I wasn’t paid enough for my services.
- I disliked the office and physical environment in which I was working.
In fact, there wasn’t much I liked about the job. It was a godsend losing that job. I felt like I was being set free from a huge anchor drowning me. At first it was frightening but soon became exhilarating. I was now responsible for creating my own life anew. For more about job loss, see http://www.happiness-after-midlife.com.