ShareThisLife is difficult. That's the way M. Scott Peck began his transformational book, "The Road Less Traveled." Problem is, most people don't want to hear this truth, but if you don't factor it in, your life will actually become more challenging.
Knowing that we all will undoubtedly experience difficulty helps us prepare, at least somewhat, for that eventuality. I'm not being a fatalist here, just a therapist who has seen hundreds of people dealing with a multitude of issues. Knowing that our lives can't always be moving in an upward direction helps us to make sense of the moments when we fall down. It also helps us remember that we will move forward once again.
Healing emotions is like climbing stairs -- you go up a step, then level off before you climb the next one. Occasionally you go down a step or two, but you also level off and begin to move upward again. Even if it's three steps up and two back, you are still making progress.
When emotional pain hits, one of the best ways to heal it is to meet it head-on and talk out the feelings. That's why good support from another human being helps our hearts. If there's no one to talk to, writing is also a great way to release some of your inner anguish. The point here is that the one thing you don't want to do is hold your pain in. You need to find constructive ways of releasing your hurt without injuring yourself or anyone else.
For some, taking a drive, exercising, reading or meditating is helpful. Others need to process their pain verbally. Whatever way works for you is what you want to try, but if it doesn't do the trick, try something different.
There are numerous methods. Some are new, like visualization, positive psychology or guided imagery; and some are ancient, like acupuncture and massage. All have helped millions of people. You do not have to sit in your pain, but to get out of it, you have to act and do something positive to change the way you feel. And that may be the most difficult part.
Realizing that you hurt is easy; conjuring up the energy to deal with it can be problematic because sadness can manifest as lethargy. This is where the buddy system or support groups can make a big difference. Even if you can't motivate yourself, having someone who is working with you or on something similar can be very helpful in getting you up and going. For many of us, it's easier to take those first steps to emotional well-being when someone is there to hold our hand.
Even if it feels overwhelming or scary at first, know that you have the power here, and reach out or dive in to find the way to help yourself feel good again.
(Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a marriage and family therapist in Westlake Village, Calif., is the author, most recently, of "Emotional Fitness for Intimacy." E-mail him at Barton(at)BartonGoldsmith.com.)
EMOTIONAL FITNESS
