I am worried about Bo. That's the name of the new White House dog, and I don't think he's off to a good start.
The Obamas' initial plan was to adopt from a shelter. Instead, they got a purebred. I understand it's because one daughter, Malia, has allergies and Bo doesn't shed.
However, his breed -- a Portuguese water dog -- seems very select. In American politics, you don't want "select." We are at heart a populist country. There is nothing worse than having impressive lineage.
Barack Obama understood this in his presidential campaign, stressing that he was raised by a single mother. Still, his opponents did all they could to call him elitist.
I fear Bo could face the same fate. I am picturing him being attacked for his pedigree. I can see opponents whispering that Bo thinks mainstream Americans are bitter and tend to cling to their guns and religion. At the very least, I can imagine him choosing a premium dog-food brand over Alpo.
I have a solution. Bo, I think, needs a shelter dog at his side to prove he's "just folks." He needs a mongrel of uncertain origin.
I know exactly such a dog.
JJ the Pound Mutt.
I have no self-interest in this. I simply think it will help connect the White House to Main Street America. It is only coincidence that I own JJ. For the country's sake, I would make the sacrifice of staying with him in the Lincoln Bedroom until his presence proves Bo is not a snob.
First, there is JJ's value, or lack of it. Portuguese water dogs can go for $2,500. JJ cost me about $20, not including shots. He cost less than a large bag of dry dog food.
Second, I have to assume he was raised by a single mother. He has no papers, and if he ever tried to enter the Westminster Dog Show, they would call security. To me, this is a bit of a relief since I have no idea how to do that awkward, uncoordinated "run" the owners all do when they trot their show dogs in front of the judges.
My wife thinks JJ is a border-collie mix, but my daughter and I think his mother, grandmother and great-grandmother all ran around, making JJ an undetermined hodgepodge.
We got him at the Norton, Mass., pound. They told us he was a double-reject. Some itinerant family didn't want him anymore, so they asked some neighbors to watch him for a few days. The family then skipped town, and the neighbors, having no interest in JJ, dumped him at the shelter.
We soon saw why no one else had adopted him. When they brought him out, he purposely turned over the lobby water dish, walked in the puddle, then jumped on everyone.
My one concern is that most successful presidents know to be humble. JJ, on the other hand, has no humility. As soon as we brought him home, he decided he ran the place. Feed him a piece of turkey while making a sandwich, and instead of being grateful, he'll sulk afterward if you don't feed him two pieces. Then again, it does occur to me Congress could relate to that outlook.
At the White House, JJ would quickly teach Bo the art of putting himself to sleep early, directly on President Obama's pillow, refusing to budge when the chief executive tried to retire. When JJ does this to me, I have to physically shove him. He would also teach Bo to then curl up on the first lady's side of the bed, cutting off her legroom.
When left even for a moment in a parked car, JJ also climbs into the driver's seat, and can't easily be moved. I admit this could be a problem on Air Force One.
Still, the offer stands. If the Obamas want to give Bo a Main Street makeover, JJ and I are ready to serve.
(mpatinkin(at)projo.com)
(Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service, www.scrippsnews.com.)
Must credit The Providence JournalColumn
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