ShareThisWait a minute. I'm actually going to settle down in the town where I grew up. How can this possibly be happening? (Shock)
I was going to get out of here by plane, train or unpaid internship. After college, there was nothing I could imagine worse than living within 30 minutes of my high school. And now here I am, buying a house.
But it doesn't have to be this way. I can still get out of this. Just because I'm buying a house doesn't mean I'm here for good. I can just live here for a couple more years, save up some money, sell the place and move on. (Denial)
So home prices aren't exactly skyrocketing. Things could get better. I could actually turn a profit. I could have some extra cash in my pocket for a move to a bigger burg. (Serious denial)
Who am I kidding? I'm going to be stuck here forever. Stuck in the Midwestern gravitational pull. This is all my fault. (Anger)
How could I be so stupid? I knew perfectly well what happens. You come back home after college, thinking it's a temporary thing. And then you start to get comfortable. Too comfortable. This is pretty much what I deserve.
Though, really, it's not all bad. Living is pretty cheap, for one thing. And I know this whole city pretty well by now. (Bargaining)
I mean, there are definitely worse places to live. I've got a pretty good job and a few friends who have stuck around. It's actually getting to the point where I don't really like to go out all that much. And, well, it's a pretty good place to raise kids.
Oh God, did I just say that out loud? Forget I mentioned anything. And please, for the love of Dr. Spock, don't tell my mother. (Guilt)
I can hear her now: How could you think of moving away? When would we ever see our grandchildren?
Never mind that there are no grandchildren, and nobody has mentioned anything about grandchildren, and please let's just stop talking about grandchildren.
Listen to me. I know where this is going. I know exactly what happens to people who move back home and settle down. It's how places like this stay on the map. There's pretty much nothing to do here but breed. (Depression)
Right now I can't believe I'm settling down. In a few weeks, I won't be able to believe my mortgage payments. In a few years, I won't believe how loudly a baby can tell you she is hungry.
This is just sad. I can see it all playing out in front of me, and I can't do a thing to stop it. I suppose I might as well embrace it. (Acceptance)
I'm going to mow my lawn. I'm going to repair small things around the house, and break bigger things that will then require professional repair. I'm going to come home at the end of the day, sit on my porch with an adult beverage, and enjoy my small slice of the American dream.
And hey, I'm still young. I don't have to have kids anytime soon. I'm sure my wife and her mother will understand. (Unbelievable denial)
(Ben Grabow writes for the young, the urban and the easily amused. Contact him at thinlyread(at)gmail.com.)
(Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service, http://www.scrippsnews.com)
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