ShareThisWhen Pittsburgh diners receive poor service, they often complain to the restaurant. And many also share their complaints with me.
Over the past 16 months or so, I've received several hundred e-mails and phone calls voicing complaints about service, enough to get a good sense of the things diners most wish servers would stop (or start) doing.
At the same time, servers have their own share of complaints about diners. While it's true that diners are the paying customer and may have a right to complain, many servers don't make enough money to put up with the kinds of bad behavior they see far too frequently.
So here are the top pet peeves I've seen from the sides of the customers as well as the servers:
Diners hate it when servers:
1. Touch them.
Unless you're personal friends outside the restaurant, even a pat on the shoulder comes off as condescending at best and totally inappropriate at worst. Unless you're touching someone to keep them from falling or injuring themselves, keep your hands to yourself.
2. Clear one person's plate before everyone is finished.
It's part of a server's job to know the basic rules of service, and to know more than the basics if you're working at a fine dining restaurant. Some rules may be old-fashioned (such as always serving women before men), but ones based on common courtesy should never be ignored. Clearing plates early can make diners feel as if they've eaten too quickly or too slowly. It can also make diners feel as if the server is hovering over them.
3. Respond rudely to the use of coupons.
Especially during these tough economic times, no one should ever be made to feel bad for trying to save money. The restaurant gave out the coupon or participated in the promotion, which means that its staff must welcome that guest as they would any other. And if the guest has misunderstood the terms or if the coupon has expired, treat the guest with some compassion. And diners, please remember that servers do just as much work when you pay with a coupon, and consider calculating your tip based on the full cost of the meal.
4. Decide or even imply that food allergies are just preferences.
If someone says he or she has an allergy, treat it as such. It may be obvious that they don't really have an allergy, but that doesn't mean their wishes should be ignored. Diners, see below for why you shouldn't pretend to have an allergy when you don't.
5. Decide that they don't need to bring change and disappear from view.
If a diner pays with cash, it's generally fine to ask politely if they need change. However, some diners may take offense, so you're probably better off just bringing change no matter what. A server should never, never count the money, calculate the tip percentage and decide that the diner must have meant to leave the change as a tip.
Servers hate it when diners:
1. Touch them.
Just as servers shouldn't touch diners, diners should never touch servers. Servers are not objects. You are not buying the right to flirt with them along with your dinner. Keep your hands (and your comments) to yourself.
2. Treat them if they don't exist.
When a server comes over to take your order, don't continue your conversation while they're standing there. Servers are trying to balance the needs of many diners, and it's not too much to ask that you pause for a moment, communicate, and then pick up your conversation when your server has accomplished his or her work. This goes double for people on their cell phones. If you need to use your phone, excuse yourself and go stand outside, in a discrete corner or in the restroom.
3. Make a complete mess.
Your server is not your maid. While diners obviously shouldn't worry about bread crumbs, accidental spills or the occasional dropped green bean, do not treat the table as your trash bin. Don't leave crumpled, used tissues, the detritus from your bag and the wrapping paper from your birthday gift for the server to clean up.
4. Eat 90 percent of a dish then try to send it back.
It's an acceptable practice to send a dish back in a restaurant if it was made improperly, but it should take just a couple of bites to determine that. If you've eaten more than half of the dish (and the dish consists of more than three bites), then you've forfeited your right to complain. Of course, if your server asks for your opinion, you can still say you didn't particularly like it.
5. Say they're allergic to something when really they just don't like it.
When you claim an allergy that doesn't exist (especially if you claim it inconsistently) you make it more difficult for diners with true allergies to get their point across. It should be enough at most restaurants that you don't like something. Try phrasing it as a request for help, rather than a demand: "This dish is appealing to me, but I don't like (your least favorite ingredient here). Would it be possible to make this dish without it? And remember, it is a chef's prerogative to refuse to make substitutions.
E-mail Post-Gazette restaurant critic China Millman at cmillman(at)post-gazette.com
(Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service, www.scrippsnews.com.)
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clearing plates
Before you blame the servers for this behavior, please be aware that a lot of restaurants REQUIRE their servers to clear plates as soon as the plate is empty, or THE SERVER RISKS BEING WRITTEN UP. I've worked in a number of restaurants where this is the policy. If a server picks up your plate when you are clearly finished before everyone else, it is because THEY HAVE BEEN TOLD TO DO SO BY MANAGEMENT. A server who suggests to management that plates should be cleared all at once in these restaurants risks being evaluated as uncooperative, insubordinate,or lazy. The response management will give is " this is the way we choose to run our business, if you don't like it, you can choose to work somewhere else". Seriously, every time I have heard management or owners tell the staff the restaurant would be more "service oriented", that usually meant that they were going to gut the support staff, and force the waiters to do everything themselves, thereby taking time and energy away from the customers. Usually the restaurant would fold, but not before management and owners took their bonuses and blamed the waiters for not providing quality service.
servers asking "do you want your change"
My biggest, hugest, like-fingernails-on-the-chalkboard pet peeve is when servers ask me "do you need your change".
It's not polite, it's greedy. I understand the point of it - to save the server an extra return trip - but it's rude and comes off as such. It forces me, the diner, to stop what I'm doing and say "yes, I want my change back". I shouldn't have to feel like I'm asking for my change back.
You're by far better off saying very simply "I'll be right back with your change". If the diner wants to leave all the change for the server they'll say "That's ok, you can keep the change. Thank you very much". If the diner wants the change, then they don't have to feel like they're asking for anything.
Servers asking about change
"diner" is absolutely spot on.
My partner and I were out for a light meal and the bill was $30-something. All I had was a $100 bill to pay with. The server flipped open the folio and asked that dreaded change question of us. I simply smiled and said "you were good, but not THAT good!".
Change
It very well might be annoying to some to be asked if they require change. But many patrons will return an "I'll be right back with your change" with a mumbled "OK" and then walk out. Many diners really don't have any idea how busy a server is. A 30 second break is an eternity for a server (there are other guests waiting for service). So breaking down change for a minute is more than just inconvenient if a patron doesn't even desire it and doesn't even respond intelligibly to their server.
servers asking for change
huge misunderstanding here. when a server asks if you need change they are asking simply that! do you need bills broken down? or maybe you have the exact amount, in which case you can leave it on the table and we will pick it up when you leave. great! we don't know what bills you put in the bill fold along with the check so we have to ask you. it has nothing do with keeping a tip!
change
agree w/previous poster but also want to add: servers do not equate your needing (or not needing) change with whether or not you will tip. many say they don't need change because they've handed me the exact amount and may or may not have left a tip on the table. either way, I appreciate that they told me they don't need change since that saves me a lot of time I would have otherwise wasted cashing out their check and then finding out it was the exact amount. or they do need change but may leave me a big tip on the table when they leave. we really don't know how much your tab was or how much you left. we have too many tables to keep track of all that.