ShareThisA few weeks back, when talking about his son's autism, Ernie Els said the challenges of raising a child with the brain development disorder often rips apart marriages.
"The divorce rate for families with this condition is just through the roof," the three-time major champion said. "It's an emotional thing inside the families, so you need to move in the same direction.
"If you're moving in different directions, it's over with."
So when it comes to family matters -- especially doing what's best for 6-year-old Ben, diagnosed with autism at age 2 -- all decisions are made jointly by Els and his wife, Liezl.
That included the decision last March to go public with Ben's autism. And the decision to get more involved in autism awareness. And, ultimately, the decision last summer to move the family, which also includes 9-year-old Samantha, from London to Jupiter, Fla.
"It was a big move," Els said. "New schools, different way of life. But we wanted to move forward with this."
In fact, by the time Els spoke publicly last spring about his son's autism for the first time -- complete with an "Autism Speaks" logo on his golf bag -- he and wife already were planning their trans-Atlantic move.
It was a move that Els, born and raised in South Africa, had contemplated for years. He had a second home in the Orlando area from 1993-98, when he and Liezl moved to London.
"Basically, we did that because of my world-wide schedule," said Els. "London was very central (for me) to go to the Far East or come here to the U.S. or get to South Africa, which was very nice. But the weather got me, man."
The cold, wet English winters weren't only dreary; they made it difficult to play golf. "The last three, four, five years -- every January -- I'm like: 'We've got to get out of here,'" Els said.
Finally, in June, they did.
They followed the sun to Florida and bought a home at the Bear's Club, an exclusive, golf community founded by Jack Nicklaus. And they love it.
"We're very happy here," Liezl said, "especially with the weather."
Ernie plays winter golf. Sports-crazy Samantha plays soccer and tennis. Ben gets the special attention he needs at the Renaissance Learning Center in West Palm Beach.
And Liezl? She devotes much of her time to autism awareness, a cause that she said gets more attention here than in London.
"I don't think either of us, in our wildest dreams, imagined the response we've gotten since we went public with Ben's autism," Liezl said. "It was always something we knew we wanted to do, but when you have a child like Ben, you're very protective. Then, since we live so much of our lives in public, we always felt it was important to protect our private lives, too.
"But as time went by, we became more comfortable with the idea. And it has been an amazing journey. I'm glad we held off, because you have to make sure you're ready. But if we had known how far and wide the awareness would be raised since Ernie spoke publicly about Ben, I don't think we would've waited as long."
The Els say they've received thousands of letters and e-mails from the parents of autistic children. Some seek advice. Some offer support. Some merely want to share their story.
"Since I've come out with Ben's condition, it's been like wildfire -- people just coming out and talking about it," Ernie said. "It's amazing how big a problem it is. You don't know until you get involved."
Until Els got involved, he was unaware that one in 150 children are diagnosed with autism, or that the rate is higher for boys. Nor did he realize he wasn't alone: The list of athletes with autistic children includes Dan Marino, Doug Flutie, Olaf Kolzig and Will Clark.
"I played golf with Dan, and we talked about it," Ernie said. "He's done a hell of a job."
So have the Els, since Ernie and Liezl shared their story.
They've raised money. They've corresponded with other parents. They've given their full support to the cause, including some younger PGA Tour players that have approached him with questions.
"There's no way of telling if it's going to happen," Ernie, 39, said. "It's not like it's in your blood or in your genes. It just either happens or not."
Going public, he said, has made traveling the Tour easier.
"Ben is a very lovable kid," Ernie said. "He does get a little excited, but he's not aggressive at all. You can touch him and play with him. He's just different. He's got a different energy."
Immediately after Ben was diagnosed, Ernie had difficulty handling it.
"There's a lot of emotion going on. What we do in the sport is an emotional roller coaster in itself. But I've always tried to play golf and then, whatever happens off the golf course, deal with it. But, at times, it does creep in and you get a little bit crazy."
That probably explains why he went four years without winning. But life is better now.
"You can't help but feel for this kid, you know? He's a healthy kid. Everything about him is perfect. It's just that he's not going to be a normal kid. He's not going to play the same sports or do the same things you envisioned. And that's the hard part."
Because there's only so much a father can do.
"That's one area where we differ," Liezl said. "Ernie is passionate about finding a cure. I'm more practical. I see it as: 'How can we improve things for kids already in this situation?' But our end goal is the same.
"That's how it has to be. You can differ on things. But when it comes to big decisions -- how you handle family life -- you've got to be on the same page."
Or the divorce rate for families with autistic children gets a little worse.
(Ray McNulty is sports columnist for Scripps Treasure Coast (Fla.) Newspapers. Contact him at ray.mcnulty<at>scripps.com)
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