Thinly Read: Ben is now your friend

ShareThis

Ben would like to be your friend.
Ben found you using the "people you may know" tool, the "classmate finder" widget and the "generally just stalking you" application. Click here to accept the request.
Ben is now your friend. You have eight new messages from Ben.
Ben has posted to your wall. Ben has posted to your wall again. Ben has wallpapered your wall in comments. Ben has commented on several of his own comments.
Ben's status has been changed to "ignored."
Ben has tagged you in 12 embarrassing high-school photos. These photos were actually taken with film cameras, yet Ben has made the effort to scan these photos into a digital format and upload each one to the Internet purely for the sake of "memories." Click here to thank him.
Ben has tagged you in 17 drunken Halloween photos. Your co-workers are now perusing images of you in a very revealing cheerleading costume. Several of these photos have already been saved to the company's shared drive.
Ben has tagged you in 24 swimsuit photos taken from behind.
Photo tagging has been disabled.
Ben has poked you. Ben has nudged you. Ben has rubbed your head, tickled your nose, gargled in your ear and massaged your elbows.
Ben's status has been changed to "confused."
Ben joined the group "Columnists who went to elementary school with you and want to catch up." Ben joined the group "Social networkers who feel that bodily functions and unpleasant skin conditions should be public record." Ben joined the group "I want to live in Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood."
Ben became a fan of "You."
Ben tagged you in the post "25 things about my cat." Ben tagged you in the post "25 people who are ignoring me" 25 times.
Ben has sent you a public gift. It is a pink teddy bear with a brand tie-in to a roast-beef chain's Big Beef 'n' Cheese Sauce sandwich. Your vegetarian love interest now thinks that you enjoy Big Beef 'n' Cheese Sauce sandwiches. Your remaining love interests now think you enjoy pink teddy bears.
Ben's relationship status has changed to "it's complicated."
Ben and your co-workers are now friends. Ben and your yoga class are now friends. Ben and your parents are now friends. Your parents would like to be your friend. Your parents have posted to your wall.
"We didn't even know you were on here! Who is this Ben guy, anyway? He seems like such a nice boy. He gave us a teddy bear! He'll be over for dinner on Tuesday."
Ben's relationship status has changed to "in with the parents."
Ben has enabled mobile updates. Ben has enabled mobile inbox notifications. Ben has enabled mobile commenting, mobile whining and mobile oversharing.
Ben is always online. Ben is never more than a click away. Ben is watching you watch him watch ... you.
Are you sure you want to remove Ben as a friend?

(Ben Grabow writes for the young, the urban and the easily amused. Contact him at thinlyread(at)gmail.com.)

(Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service, http://www.scrippsnews.com)
THINLY READ