ShareThisChanging the way you think can be very healthy. Unfortunately, sometimes it takes a painful loss, like suddenly getting laid off or having your partner leave you. Making a significant transformation in your life, like getting clean and sober, also requires rewiring your thought processes. What happens then is you create new pathways in your brain that change the way you think and feel.
Making the choice to create a better life for yourself and for those you love is a personal one. But it inevitably involves others, especially when it is something like changing the way you communicate or learning how to fight fairly and controlling your temper, which may require some instruction or counseling.
If you want to make a change, the support of friends and family can be critical. Set aside some time to reinforce your relationships so that you can get the assistance you desire. You may need to risk asking some difficult questions if you want to get clarity about what your loved ones see in you. Those who are alone can find it much more difficult to make mental and emotional shifts.
Once you discover that your old way of being is no longer working, and you're struggling to figure out how to change, a support group can be helpful. The folks there can assist you by explaining and modeling new behaviors, and you can also learn things about yourself that may be difficult to see without an outside perspective. Just be aware that not everyone in every group has it together, and you need to be careful in selecting people to sponsor or mentor you.
Most of us know that life is full of changes. We usually adapt pretty well to things around us -- or even other people -- changing. It can be a lot harder when we are the ones who need to make the move to a new way of doing our lives. Trust that you did not come to this decision lightly. Even if it's something that you initially didn't want to do, once you see the necessity, it will be easier to get on board.
Whatever your needs are, remember that it all starts with you, and making important changes is truly a gift you are giving to yourself and to the ones who care for you.
(Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a marriage and family therapist in Westlake Village, Calif., is the author of "Emotional Fitness for Couples."E-mail him at Barton(at)BartonGoldsmith.com)
EMOTIONAL FITNESS
