Struggling couples forget divorce, ride out recession

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The battered economy is forcing many couples contemplating divorce to ride out the recession.
Struggling couples are discovering that it will be painful -- if not impossible -- to support a second household, experts say. So more couples are deciding that it's cheaper to stay together.
"It's a luxury to actually get a divorce these days," said Joan Weber, a marriage and family therapist in Pittsburgh.
Despite the common notion that America remains plagued by a divorce epidemic, the national per capita divorce rate has been sliding steadily downward since its peak in 1985, according to John Crouch, a divorce attorney in Arlington, Va., and former director of the defunct organization Americans for Divorce Reform.
"Divorces nationwide peaked in 1985 and have been on a decline ever since," he said. "The divorce rate did go up in 2006, but every year since 1985 it has gone down."
No matter how difficult the marriage, there are personal and economic realities that need to be faced before traveling the road to divorce, experts say. Who will own the house? Who will get the investments and savings and who will pay child support and child care costs?
"What we are seeing is more couples trying to heal their marriage and reconnect," Weber said. "The upside is the high cost of divorce is forcing couples to forgive and choose peace with their partner.
"Years ago, people divorced to find peace. Now they are more pressed to fix a marriage than end it because they don't want to give up their lifestyle," Weber said.
She added however, that if the relationship is mentally or physically abusive, the couple should split regardless of their finances.
Elizabeth Beroes, owner of Beroes Law Center in Pittsburgh, said some of the divorce settlements she has been involved with recently provide a snapshot of how couples' personal finances play a role in them deciding to divorce.
"A lot of people are more likely to settle matters rather than litigate who will get the china, the house or the Steelers tickets, because litigation is expensive" Beroes said. "Refinancings are so difficult now the house stays in both names."
Beroes said she recently settled a multimillion-dollar divorce in which the wife will keep the house and has five years to refinance it into her own name.
"That was unheard of two years ago," she said. "We have to change the marital settlement agreement to mirror the economic situation, the fact that it's so difficult to refinance."
Falling home prices and houses that take months if not years to sell are complicating matters for couples who want out of wedlock. Mounting debts, car notes and other loans have made it more likely that both partners will have to change ZIP codes after a divorce.
"I've seen in the past six months several couples who have come in really wanting to save their marriage because of the expenses involved," said Stacy Wettstein, a marriage counselor. "Many times couples choose to stay in a house together as a way to cut costs and lead two separate lives. For some people that works. For others it doesn't. With marriage, people are now looking at it from a business point of view."
E-mail Tim Grant at tgrant(at)post-gazette.com

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