ShareThisPauline Phillips walked into the newspaper office of the San Francisco Chronicle 53 years ago this month with almost no chance of getting the advice-column job she was seeking. The newspaper already had the position filled, and Phillips had recently been rejected by a much smaller paper.
But editor Stanleigh Arnold believed in a meritocracy, offering Phillips the chance to rewrite the answers given by his current advice columnist to see whether Phillips could do a better job. Phillips walked a few blocks away to her husband's office, kicked his secretary out of her chair and pounded out the answers in a couple of hours.
"By the time she got back to Hillsborough, that's where she was living at the time, they had already called three times," remembers Jeanne Phillips, Pauline's daughter and the current Dear Abby. "They wanted to hire her."
Pauline moved back to her native Minnesota in the early 1960s, where she lives today, and is being treated for Alzheimer's disease. Her daughter, who helped her mother from the early years of the column and publicly took over in 2002, is a Los Angeles resident.
But both Abigail Van Burens (their pen name) kept a piece of San Francisco in their hearts.
Pauline and Jeanne Phillips haven't been afraid to embrace progressive causes -- sometimes long before they were popular. Pauline Phillips referred a distraught parent to Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays in the 1980s, and Jeanne has maintained a high-profile stance in favor of gay marriage.
Now the column appears in about 1,400 newspapers worldwide, and Dear Abby receives more than 10,000 letters a week.
The first Dear Abbey column (note the spelling back then) appeared on Jan. 9, 1956:
DEAR ABBEY: I have never written to a paper for advice before but need help desperately and cannot talk to my family or friends about my problem. I am a private secretary to a well-known executive in the Bay Area. I have been employed by him for five years. You may think this sounds cheap, but we are deeply in love. His wife speaks to him only when she wants money, and he has no respect or affection for her. He has told me repeatedly that I am the woman he loves but we can't consider marriage because it would ruin him financially and socially. In addition to an excellent salary, he has given me an automobile, a fur coat and he pays my rent. When he takes business trips, I always go along. I am not getting any younger, yet I feel one day he will make me his wife. What do you think? CONFIDENT
DEAR CONFIDENT: I think your boss is a super salesman! He certainly did a terrific job when he convinced an intelligent girl like you to give up a decent, respectable life of her own to be available when he whistles. Of course he won't marry you. Why should he? He is getting the whole show for the price of the amusement tax.
DEAR ABBEY: I have been going with a man since June. Although there is quite a big difference in our ages, we like each other a lot. He gave me a diamond ring for Christmas. How can I tell if the diamond is real? H.P.L.
DEAR H.P.L.: If there is any doubt about whether or not the diamond is real, you'd better find out if the MAN is real! When a girl accepts a ring from a man, it usually means they are engaged to be married. I hope you realize that you are engaged to marry a man you do not fully trust. Any jeweler can answer your question by simply looking at the ring.
DEAR ABBEY: Maybe you can suggest something to help my sister. She is married to a real heel. He is 6 feet 3 and weighs 240, and she is 5 feet and weighs 106. He has a terrible temper and frequently knocks the daylights out of her. Their marriage is really a mess. L.L.
DEAR L.L.: I admit your sister is no match for her heavyweight husband, but I've seen smaller gals flatten out bigger guys than this with just one look. If your sister has been letting this walrus slap her around frequently, maybe she likes it. Stay out of their family battles, Chum. When the girl who is taking it on the chin complains, I'll know she needs my suggestions.
DEAR ABBEY: I am sweet 16 and truly never have been kissed. I have plenty of dates and the boys seem to enjoy my company, but when it comes time to say good night, all they do is just say "good night." Please tell me how I can become irresistible? HOPEFUL ANN
DEAR ANN: If you become "irresistible" at 16, you'll need police protection by the time you reach 20. If you are looking for a goodnight kiss, the likes of which would melt a glacier, it's too early. However, if you want the innocent, customary goodnight kiss, hold your little cheek up, close your eyes and boom -- You're irresistible.
(E-mail Peter Hartlaub at phartlaub(at)sfchronicle.com. For more stories, visit scrippsnews.com.)
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