ShareThisBriny Baird and Martin Laird.
For a short period of time Wednesday, they weren't just a golf couplet that would make Dr. Seuss clap his hands. They were running at the top of the leaderboard at the Bob Hope Classic.
Best of all, they had back-to-back tee times, making it easy for spectators at the Palmer Private Course to follow them.
That's assuming anyone was interested in two relatively uncelebrated tour players, leading briefly on the first day and not playing in a foursome with a once-famous football player or pop star.
As it turned out, of course, no one was interested. When I caught up to Baird, he was on his 14th hole of the day, where he drained an 8-foot birdie putt to the utter delight of nine spectators, two that actually clapped.
This isn't necessarily a bad thing for players. Golf is a sport best tackled in silence. If you don't play in the celebrity rotation at the Hope, where the crowds congregate to nab a Bo Jackson autograph or a Michael Bolton hug, you usually have the other three courses to yourself.
Laird didn't need tourney volunteers to hold up their "Quiet" paddles, either, although they did, just for practice. After all, Yogi Berra and Alice Cooper will be at the Palmer course on Saturday.
At any given time, Laird's three amateur playing partners and their caddies outnumbered any honest-to-goodness fans watching his group -- standard stuff, especially during the Hope's early days.
You'd never know these guys are playing for a $918,000 first-place prize. Laird hooked his drive on No. 7 between two sand traps, and 30 feet from a backyard flower garden. There a woman stood with her hands on her hips, as if making sure no one tried to hit a ball out of her petunias.
It was the sleepiest scene I've ever witnessed at a professional sporting event. As I wandered up the cart path all alone to watch Laird hit, I almost collided with his caddie as he backed away. He was stunned anyone was there.
Laird, a 26-year-old Scotsman, hit his second shot to the left of the green and made bogey. I never heard anyone groan, commiserate or utter a single word during the whole exercise.
The Hope reminds me of a Clippers basketball game. It's a professional sport, the athletes are among the world's elite, but the headliners aren't playing.
And just like a Clippers game, you wouldn't know half the celebrities here if they showed up in character, or with props.
Everyone knows the Hope isn't what it used to be. For several decades, top golfers and famous folks made it a unique, charming, big-time event.
Now it's just unique. The format is more detriment than attraction. Most of the players who can afford to be choosy don't want to go five days, nor do they want to play four rounds with amateur partners.
For several years, the world's top 20 golfers have had a collective allergy to the Hope. When this year's one marquee entry, local hero and rising PGA star Anthony Kim, withdrew with a sore shoulder, it suddenly felt like a Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers concert minus Tom Petty.
The weekend will be better. The celebs, such as they are, and their fans will drive the event through Saturday. The drama of the leaderboard will take over Sunday.
In the meantime, it's a Baird and Laird world. No Tiger. No Phil. No noise.
(Contact Gregg Patton at gpatton@PE.com.)
(Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service, www.scrippsnews.com.)
columnMust credit The Press-Enterprise of Riverside, Calif.
