ShareThisSure, our soon-to-be-sworn-in real-life president is going to have his hands full, with a crumbling economy, miserable relations with foreign nations and a new puppy to paper train.
But he'll likely never know the pressure of fighting off a group of Soviet terrorists who have sneaked aboard Air Force One and killed every Secret Service agent. Or figuring out what to do about a squadron of rogue B-52 bombers preparing to start a nuclear war with Russia. Or deciding whether it's best for the American people to kneel before Zod ...
Thankfully, we'll always be able to rely on the judgment of our favorite movie and television presidents, whose intelligence and ability to make sound decisions can usually be predicted based on the studio's decision whether or not to cast an actor with good hair. (Merkin Muffley of "Dr. Strangelove" is probably the closest this country ever got to a competent bald movie president.)
Here are several famous movie and television presidents, an analysis of how they would perform in real-life conditions and a rating of "Change we can believe in ..." (good), "One term and done" (mediocre) or "Don't let him near the button" (abysmal).
Martin Sheen as Josiah Bartlet
The TV show: "The West Wing" (1999-2006)
Analysis: Initially written as a minor character in Aaron Sorkin's White House drama, Josiah Bartlet instantly stood out -- mostly because he was the only character who didn't walk real fast and talk exactly like the show's creator. You've also got to give the guy credit for negotiating a peace accord between Israel and the Palestinians, fixing Social Security and appointing Edward James Olmos as the first Latino in the Supreme Court. What, no cure for cancer?
The result: Change we can believe in.
Martin Sheen as Greg Stillson
The movie: "The Dead Zone" (1983)
Analysis: Only shown as president in a few seconds of telepathic flash-forward, he manages to earn the mark as worst fictional president ever in this movie, based on Stephen King's book of the same name. His out-of-nowhere, man-of-the-people presidential-election strategy is actually quite similar to Bartlet's in "The West Wing," except this God-loving populist secretly wants to start a nuclear war with Russia. "The bombs are flying. Hallelujah!" Is this what life would be like if Mike Huckabee won?
The result: Don't let him near the button.
Donald Moffat as President Bennett
The movie: "Clear and Present Danger" (1994)
Analysis: Weasel-like to the extreme, we lost all respect for President Bennett when he let Harrison Ford's Jack Ryan tell him off. ("How dare you, sir!") The movie ends with Ryan about to testify before Congress, which will presumably lead to Bennett's disgrace and impeachment. We appreciate the fact that Donald Moffat was in John Carpenter's "The Thing" and the TV version of "Logan's Run," but we can't get behind a president who was once on "One Life to Live."
The result: Don't let him near the button.
E.G. Marshall as the President
The movie: "Superman II" (1980)
Analysis: Seemed like his heart was in the right place, but the president in "Superman II" was kind of a wuss. When attacked in the White House by Gen. Zod (Terence Stamp) and his cohorts, our country's commander in chief forced a subordinate to pretend that he was the president. Then he actually agreed to kneel before Zod, before whining, "Help us, Superman," on his live broadcast to America. He also loses points for wearing the worst hairpiece in presidential history.
The result: One term and done.
Kevin Kline as Dave Kovic
The movie: "Dave" (1993)
Analysis: While we appreciate Dave Kovic's short run as an impostor president in this movie (and Kovic's wicked ceremonial first-pitch fastball), his passion for social issues and lost causes is going to lead to some serious taxing and spending down the line. We prefer the seedy ruthlessness of President Bill Mitchell (also played by Kline), who may not have been faithful to the first lady (Sigourney Weaver), but definitely would have had the guts to make tough decisions during our current financial crisis.
The result: One term and done.
Peter Sellers as Merkin Muffley
The movie: "Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb" (1964)
Analysis: He looks only slightly more presidential than Paul Giamatti. And we would argue that any president with the name Merkin Muffley is virtually unelectable. But when the crisis really came to a head, this Adlai Stevenson clone rose to the challenge, going against Gen. Buck Turgidson's advice to initiate a full-scale strike against Russia and instead warning the country's leaders of our rogue commander's pending attack. (The outcome was still apocalyptic, but at least Muffley had the satisfaction of knowing he did the right thing.)
The result: Change we can believe in.
Other movie and TV presidents
Change we can believe in:
Bill Pullman as Thomas Whitmore ("Independence Day")
Dennis Haysbert as David Palmer ("24")
Harrison Ford as James Marshall ("Air Force One")
Morgan Freeman as Tom Beck ("Deep Impact")
One term and done:
Geena Davis as Mackenzie Allen ("Commander in Chief")
Jack Nicholson as James Dale ("Mars Attacks")
Michael Douglas as Andrew Shepherd ("The American President")
Billy Bob Thornton as the U.S. president ("Love Actually")
Don't let them near the button:
James Callis as Gaius Baltar ("Battlestar Galactica")
Gregory Itzin as Charles Logan ("24")
Donald Pleasence as the president ("Escape From New York")
Gene Hackman as Allen Richmond ("Absolute Power")
(E-mail Peter Hartlaub at phartlaub(at)sfchronicle.com.)
(Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service, www.scrippsnews.com.)
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