DEAR DR. FOURNIER:
Our children are in public school because we cannot afford private school. They come home almost every day having learned a new curse word or disrespectful action. My husband and I are trying to teach them morals, ethics and Christian principles, as it should be, but I need some encouragement, especially this time of year.
ASSESSMENT
It is a shame yet also a blessing that people think about acting and teaching "good" at this time of the year. The shame is many people are unfazed about how immoral and unethical they act all year long.
There is no shame in parents not being able to afford private school for their children. Private school as it related to this is not an advantage. Why? Because children come home from exclusive private schools, even religious ones, hearing, seeing, repeating and modeling as much immorality and unethical behavior as public school students do.
From an education perspective, it matters little because both public and private schools teach from the outdated curriculum of the agricultural and industrial era.
At one point in time, schools taught ethics and manners -- saying "please" and "thank you," listening carefully to others, waiting for your turn to speak, and shaking hands when introduced to someone, among other things.
Today, these schools are so focused on test results that force all students to answer a question with the same answer that they don't have time to correct all the wrong behaviors and bad habits that are being imposed on your child by classmates whose parents have not taken the opportunity to teach their children ethics and morals, good manners and behaviors, and caring for others.
You are right to say, "as it should be." I laud the fact you and your husband understand it is your responsibility to teach good behavior, morals and ethics to your children.
WHAT TO DO
Use my Picture of You strategy to teach your children how to act with etiquette, morals and ethics toward people.
For example, let's say your child hands in his homework to his teacher on a crumpled piece of notebook paper with mark-outs and chocolate smudges on it. The first thing the teacher sees is his name on the homework and then immediately associates characteristics to your child based on the state of the homework paper. The teacher is now developing a picture of your child based on these characteristics: disorganized, dirty, and/or trashy. That same teacher may be writing on the board moments later and lecturing to the class when your child talks out of turn, adding the characteristic of disrespect to the picture of your child.
Make sure you are teaching the most important ethic to your children, that we should care for each other, each and every day of the year, and not just at the holidays. God has given us all the same gift of caring to make the world a better place. It does not matter your faith, Muslim, Jew, or Christian and it does not matter the time of year, as we should care for each other the year 'round.
Each group will undoubtedly celebrate this time of year according to the principles of these respective faiths; however, each of these faiths has as its central core, the teaching to care for one another. I recently read a holiday ornament that said "Santa, Define Bad!" Teach your children that the answer does not come from Santa. The answer is already written in their hearts. "Bad" is anything that does not result in doing good for others and for the world. When does your child know they have done the good thing? When it brings joy to their hearts. Happy holidays.
(Write Dr. Yvonne Fournier, Fournier Learning Strategies Inc., 5900 Poplar, Memphis, Tenn. 38119. E-mail her at drfournier(at)hfhw.net)
HASSLE-FREE HOMEWORK
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