ShareThisAs our holiday season draws to a close, it is time again to consider that yearly tradition of self-betterment, the New Year's resolution.
Finding a resolution is easy enough, and examples abound in the last days of December. But rarely are we told where not to point our resolve for the coming year. And so, with your betterment in mind, here are some do's and do-not's for your yearly resolution.
Do: Consider joining a gym. Do not: Consider mixed martial arts. At least not until you've joined the gym.
Do: Cut fast food out of your diet. Do not: Cut anything out of your own body. A few thousand dollars and the surgical equivalent of a Dust Buster might eliminate those pounds, but another year in the drive-through line will pack them all back.
Do: Visit your family more often. Do not: Move in. These are tough economic times, but it's worth the rent to keep your own place. Mom and Dad only love you so much.
Do: Be more punctual. Do not: Overdo it. Dinner is at seven. Cooking, burning, cursing, and drinking are at four. Don't show up at four, unless you bring something to drink.
Do: Dress to impress. Do not: Spray to convey. Fancy clothes might make you look more important. Fancy cologne will certainly make you smell like a creep. Fancy clothes and cologne will, at best, make you an important creep. We have enough of those, thank you.
Do: Spend more time reading. Do not: Be that guy who walks down the street with his nose in a paperback. Seriously, watch where you're going. Try a book on tape, or have someone read it to you over the phone. You'll look a lot more important walking with your phone.
Do: Give blood. Do not: Take blood.
Do: Go back to school. Do not: Go back to your old fraternity. They don't care about the rush back in '83, and if you visit a sorority you will be escorted from campus. Or so I've heard.
Do: Travel. Do not: Carry liquids in excess of three ounces, argue about the three-ounce rule, personally insult the TSA associate requesting your toothpaste, or expect to keep your clothes or dignity after having done so.
Do: Quit smoking. Do not: Start drinking instead.
Do: Quit drinking. Do not: Think that making this decision with a ferocious New Year's Day hangover will help it to stick.
Do: Save money. Do not: Save it in the stock market. This is probably not the year to be investing your income in the Standard & Ponzi's 500. A nice mattress or empty coffee can in the rafters is a safer bet.
Do: Give money. Do not: Ask for contributions to your own personal charity. This is especially important if you are an executive for a major car manufacturer.
The New Year is, after all, a new start, and your resolutions set the tone for the year to come. So keep these suggestions in mind and keep the promises you make. And remember: a bad resolution actually isn't better than no resolution at all.
(Ben Grabow writes for the young, the urban and the easily amused. Contact him at thinlyread(at)gmail.com.)
(Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service, http://www.scrippsnews.com)
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