Blood feud ends happily for star-crossed lovers

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DIYARBAKIR, Turkey -- Murat and Farida didn't know about the feud between their families when they first met at the university in this stone-walled town in southeastern Turkey, a place where residents cling to long memories and ancient traditions.They found out only when Murat went home to tell his family, the Kamcis, that he wanted to marry a girl he had met at school. Her last name happened to be Tarhan. The news appalled the Kamcis, and they forbade the nuptials.Their star-crossed love story might have ended then forever, if the "Peace Father" had not brokered a ceasefire.For 36 years -- ever since a young Tarhan boy innocently let his goats graze on a Kamci pasture -- the families had been at war. The blood feud started when a member of the Kamci family slapped the Tarhan boy that day in the field. Four people were killed as a result of that slap, and dozens of others had been driven from their homes to preserve the dignity of the two names.Distraught by their families' reaction, Murat and Farida went to see the local imam for advice. He told them that if they wanted to get married there was only one way -- they must seek out the man known as the Peace Father.Sait Sanli, the Peace Father's real name, is the 64-year-old wise man of Turkey's Kurdish southeast. Diminutive of stature, exceedingly polite and admittedly prone to tears, the former butcher is the man local residents turn to for advice when their blood starts to boil.By his own count, Sanli has resolved 449 blood feuds in the eight years since he agreed to mediate his first dispute, and he says none of the pacts he negotiated have since been broken. But his favorite story is the tale of Murat and Farida, the real-life Romeo and Juliet."They were crying. They told me they loved each other, but they couldn't get married because their grandfathers had a problem 36 years ago," Sanli said. "I cried with them."The next day, Sanli went to work, traveling to see the elders of both families, as well as the widows and orphans on each side. He took an accounting of how much wrong had been done by each side over the decades, how many had been killed by each family (three Kamcis had died versus one Tarhan) and how much farming income had been lost (the Kamcis had seized 15 hectares of Tarhan land). Then he proposed a solution: Hadn't the blood debt owed by the Tarhans to the Kamcis been repaid by 36 years of free rent and farming income?It was a simple suggestion, but one the two clans had never considered before. Sanli offered that the Tarhans should be allowed to return to their homes and that Murat and Farida get married. The two sides accepted and held a festive dinner in the Peace Father's honor.Sanli's reputation is such that last year he twice had to expand his conflict-solving operation, first to a five-man team, then this year to a squad of 14 people that he sends out around the region to mediate disputes. Sanli, whose parents pulled him out of school in the second grade, says that many of the blood feuds in this poor, predominantly rural and very conservative part of Turkey are fueled by ignorance and a lack of education. The macho culture is another problem, and women and children are often the worst affected by the violence."If our people were educated, if they went to school, we would not see these blood feuds," he said. Many years-old disputes are resolved the way the fight between the Kamcis and the Tarhans was, with the exchange of land or small amounts of money. Himself a father of eight, Sanli says he's been successful in ending disputes because he tries to sympathize with all sides. "The truth is, I'm an emotional guy. When I see a mother who lost their son, I cry with her and kiss her hands and feet. I tell her, 'You lost your child. Don't lose your other kids. Don't let your other sons destroy their lives by taking revenge and then spending time in prison.' If I have to, I beg them."(Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service, www.scrippsnews.com.)