With Wall Street imploding, the obvious question on everybody's mind is: How will this affect fictional gazillionaires? OK, maybe not. But it's fun, and we've got a guide to help us figure it out: the annual "Forbes Fictional 15" (Forbes.com), which lists the richest characters who exist only in our imagination -- and in comics, movies, videogames, etc.The latest list is from 2007. But let's immediately dispense with the bottom five -- not only do I not have room for Nos. 11-15, but their net worth (as estimated by Forbes) is below $6 billion. Pikers! So adios to Fake Steve Jobs (blogger and senior "Forbes" editor Dan Lyons), Gomez Addams ("The Addams Family" patriarch), Willy Wonka (of chocolate-factory fame), Lucius Malfoy (Hogwarts School) and Princess Peach (kidnappee, "Donkey Kong").Let's simply examine the Top 10, in reverse order, and predict how they'll do in the 2008 list:10) Tony "Iron Man" Stark ($6 billion): In both the comics and the movie, the international playboy and inventor moved Stark Industries from munitions to renewable energy. The former is an evergreen, and the latter is a growth industry of unparalleled possibility. All it takes is a genius ... and Stark Industries happens to have one of those. Heck, if worse comes to worse, he can sell personal boot jets.Prediction: Invincible.9) Thurston Howell III ($6.3 billion): According to Forbes, the reclusive billionaire distrusts technology. What, is he living on a deserted island or something? Oh wait, he is. Falling behind on the tech wave is bad enough, but Forbes also describes Howell as a major private-equity player. Which is the sort of thing Bear Stearns, Lehman Brothers and Merrill Lynch just went down the tubes doing. And given that Howell is an in-absentia CEO, those were probably the very guys handling his money.Prediction: Shipwreck.8) Bruce "Batman" Wayne ($7 billion): Wayne Enterprises is notable for real estate (especially in pricey Gotham City) and the cutting-edge, best-selling, military (and vigilante) friendly WayneTech products, which should help insulate the company from Wall Street's problems. There's also a lot of good will due to its philanthropic Wayne Foundation. Although a lot of equipment and cash is absorbed by Bruce's nighttime hobby, Wayne Enterprises is diversified from Gotham to Ghana.Prediction: Atomic engines to speed!7) Carter Pewterschmidt ($7.2 billion): Forbes describes Peter "Family Guy" Griffin's father-in-law as a media and steel mogul who derives much of his wealth from an inheritance. Steel is a commodity that will probably suffer in the current global credit freeze, and if any of that inherited money was invested in the stock market (which it probably was), that could be a problem. But media is an evergreen. Hmmm -- mixed.Prediction: Poorer, but still playing poker with Michael Eisner and Bill Gates.6) C. Montgomery Burns ($8.4 billion): Burns took a hit when the government enclosed Springfield in a dome and his house was looted ("The Simpsons Movie"). But both presidential candidates have endorsed the expansion of nuclear power, which puts Burnsie in the catbird seat.Prediction: Eckssssssellent.5) Jed Clampett ($11 billion): Wherever Milton Drysdale has invested this Beverly hillbilly's money has probably evaporated, but since the source of Clampett's money is a bubbling crude -- a.k.a black gold or Texas tea -- his profit margin is probably stratospheric.Prediction: Whee, doggies!4) Mom ($15.7 billion): This galactic munitions and robot manufacturer lives in the 31st century ("Futurama"), so she's already survived today's market.3) Richie Rich ($16.1 billion): Richie's money is actually Poppa's money, and that has been depicted as widely diversified. Also, the Riches keep a lot of wealth in precious metals and jewels, which is going up in value.Prediction: No change.2) Ming the Merciless ($20.9 billion): The U.S. stock market is extremely influential here on Earth, but that scarcely stretches to Mongo.1) Scrooge McDuck ($28.8 billion): Some will cry fowl over the Forbes estimate, because Scrooge's wealth has been described as 1 multiplujillion, 9 obsquatumatillion, 620 dollars and 62 cents; and "three cubic acres" of money; and 99 feet deep; and "impossidillion" dollars; and so forth. And much of it is in precious metals and jewels -- he swims in it -- which are escalating in value. Toss in Scrooge's worldwide divestiture (so many businesses he's not aware of most of them) and that famous money bin of his may just, um, quack up.Prediction: The rich get richer!(Contact Andrew A. Smith of the Memphis Commercial Appeal at capncomics(at)aol.com or visit www.captaincomics.us.)
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