Do you have a middling pop-music career? Are you a mortgage payment away from schlepping the RibFest beat? Do you wish people would stop calling you "Hootie"? Then maybe it's time to consider a career in country. After all, crossing over has never been easier.First off, put a little twang in your talkbox -- it's pronounced "YEE-HAW" -- and start droppin' your "-ings." Then stock up on religion, pedal steel and saloon cliches. Bon Jovi did it. Michelle Branch, too.And now three former pop heavyweights, desperate for a career gitalong, have decided to ditch the big city for a metaphysical Mayberry. Former Hootie and the Blowfish frontman Darius Rucker has a brand-new country album. So does former folkie Jewel. And the juiciest story of the week might be bubbleheaded blond Jessica Simpson, who figured that since she dates a Dallas Cowboy and looks hot in cowboy boots, she might as well try to sell records on Music Row.Using highly scientific criteria -- twang, drinkability and country-cousin resemblance -- we take a look at crossover country's newest entries:Darius Rucker, "Learn to Live" (Capitol Nashville)Twang Factor: Rucker doesn't mess much with his soul-low growl. But he does trade in the Blowfish bunch for a full fleet of woozy, floozy pedal-steelers, especially on the put-down dustup "All I Want." He even nails the bad country-pun game: "Girl, all I want you to leave me is alone."The Bud Test: Great chunks of this likable 12-tracker are meant for boozing and brawling -- or at least talking about it. "Drinkin' and Dialin' " gets it all done in three horny minutes.Country Cousin: It's just a matter of time until good-time fellas Rucker and Toby Keith get together for a duet. Or, at the very least, "Lethal Weapon 5."Jewel, "Perfectly Clear" (Valory)Twang Factor: Out of these three artists, Jewel, with her strummy poetry, lilting phrasing and wild Alaskan roots, had the shortest distance to go to make it to Nashville. She just needed nicer boots and shorter skirts.The Bud Test: Not a lot of drinking going on here. Well, unless it's cyanide. Jewel's wispy worldview remains her own navel, although she does lighten up with catchy front-porch swinger "I Do."Country Cousin: Did Lee Ann Womack ever live in a van?Jessica Simpson, "Do You Know" (Sony Nashville)Twang Factor: Let's be honest: Simpson has nowhere to go but up. You know it. And so does she. So despite the fact she just got booed at the Grand Ole Opry, Jess fully embraces the country trimmings, sashaying that twang and tuchus all over the joint. It's not art. It's not good. But it is kinda sexy.The Bud Test: In Nashville, sex and 80-proof sin are excusable as long as they're immediately followed by heavy helpings of the Lord. Thus, Simpson invites you to "Come on Over" one minute, and then "Pray Out Loud" the next. Amen, good-lookin'!Country Cousin: Carrie Underwood's flighty relative. Anyone remember Scooby Dumb? Yeah, like that.(Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service www.scrippsnews.com)
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