Should you put your child in pre-school? Follow your instincts

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DEAR DR. FOURNIER: My daughter is almost 3 years old, and I am a stay-at-home mom. Lately, I have been getting advice from friends that my child should be in pre-school. My friends say that children who don't go to pre-school will not be prepared for kindergarten. I don't want my child to be at a disadvantage early in her life, but I also feel that the time we spend together is important for her development. Will not attending pre-school really hurt my daughter's educational future?ASSESSMENT: Thirty years ago, our society and educational elites warned parents that early-child-care programs would be the decline of the family and ruin of future civilization. When I was growing up, mothers were expected to stay home with their children until they were old enough for elementary school. Because of the decreasing birthrate during this time, the country needed women to go to work to make up for the shrinking employee pool. At the same time, women were given more equal rights in the workplace, allowing them equal access to those jobs.For these reasons, women began to flood back into the workplace, and society changed its perspective on this issue. Today, society sings a different tune about early-childhood care. Because of increased competition from students around the globe, educators and politicians now believe that children should be in the classroom at an earlier age.When considering these two perspectives, mothers in this country were caught between an emotional rock and a financial hard place. Accustomed to being with their children, women felt horrific guilt about someone else raising their children. But this feeling has subsided with the negative connotations once associated with earlier education. As signs of the times, the term "day care" evolved into "pre-school" and then to "4-year-old kindergarten" to further help assuage the emotional difficulties of someone else raising their children.WHAT TO DO: Your child's development and your instincts will tell where your daughter needs to be during this time. If she needs to learn core values, behavioral skills, respect and other fundamentals, then you may feel like you are the best teacher for her right now. On the other hand, when your daughter reaches a level of maturity that you are comfortable with, some pre-school programs may help her reach her full potential.When evaluating pre-schools, consider the things a program can offer your daughter. These curriculums offer basic skills, social interaction and exposure to following rules that are necessary for school life. The degree to which each is emphasized will vary depending on the program.Next, think about what you want for your daughter, remembering to assess where she is developmentally and what you feel comfortable providing. If you decide to place your daughter in pre-school, check out what the various programs in your community have to offer. Find the one the fits your daughter's needs. Most communities have half-day programs, as well as programs that meet only a couple times a week.In the end, follow your instincts. It is never too early in life to start building a love of learning. There is, however, no reason why you cannot instill this love in your daughter. You were her first teacher and will remain her teacher throughout her life.Do not feel compelled to turn your child over to someone else, especially at such a young age. If you decide not to place your daughter in pre-school, I promise you will not forever stunt her future learning. In fact, you may give her the foundation she needs for future success.(Write Dr. Yvonne Fournier, Fournier Learning Strategies Inc., 5900 Poplar, Memphis, Tenn. 38119. E-mail her at drfournier(at)hfhw.net.)