Dealing with toxic energy

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When you have toxic people around you, it's hard to feel good about life. They tend to wear you out with their negative actions and words. Judith Orloff, M.D., author of "Positive Energy," describes them as "energy vampires." The term makes sense, since toxic people can suck the life out of you.Living with toxic energy at home can be terribly problematic. Home is where you are supposed to recharge and find some peace. If you can't do it there, you may find yourself hanging out at a bar and creating additional issues.Dealing with toxic energy at work is almost as bad. You may find yourself taking on more than your fair share, just to keep away from someone else's negativity or to avoid being emotionally beaten up. Sometimes, it seems, all you can do is keep a low profile and dream of retirement. If it's causing you to feel physically ill, you may want to consider looking at other options.You can take some additional proactive steps to make your life easier. Orloff recommends that you design an energy-aware approach to diet, exercise and health and find new ways to rejuvenate yourself. Discovering what emotionally feeds you is key to maintaining a balanced life in an unstable situation.I know people who center themselves by walking, reading or meditating. Others find solace in the positive people around them or sometimes in complete solitude. I have friends who go on silent retreats, so they can temporarily let go of the toxicity in their daily lives. A little recharging can go a long way toward easing the pain.When you deal with toxic people on a regular basis, you have to find the inner strength to cope. It can help to understand that you don't have to sink to someone else's level or leave town to make things better. Simply committing to yourself that you won't let someone else disturb your internal calm can work wonders.It also helps to keep some physical distance. A good rule of thumb is to maintain at least 3 feet of space between you and the offending party. The physically closer you are to toxic energy, the easier it is to be affected by it.You can also try to limit your communications to text messages or e-mail, rather than have conversations in person or on the phone. Most people aren't foolish enough to put something in writing that can come back to bite them.The goal here is to keep your psyche up by not allowing a toxic individual or group of people to bring you down. Keeping positive energy around you will give you more strength and help you get the most out of your life and love.(Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a marriage and family therapist in Westlake Village, Calif., is the author of "Emotional Fitness for Couples." E-mail him at Barton(at)BartonGoldsmith.com)