Overprotective parents and a sticky summer-camp situation

ShareThis

Dear Dave:My parents want to send me to camp again this summer and I don't want to go. I'm 13 and I have been going to camp every summer for years.I would rather stay home and be with my friends, but my parents say it's good for me. How can I win this argument?-- CAMPED OUTDear CAMPED OUT:Parents just don't understand, Will Smith once rapped. They want "the best for you" during the summer, which means shuttling you off to camp. You're sick of the same-old every July. I can sympathize: camp only gets stale after you've experienced all there is to experience from canoe trips, bonfires and s'mores.Tell your parents you have plans for the summer, because they want to know that you'll actually be constructive during your time off. They don't want you loafing around. If you truly want a break from camp, prove to Mom and Dad you are serious -- line up a part-time job, volunteer or plan an artistic or inventive project to make 'em proud. Doesn't have to be fancy. But show some ambition and you might be able to get out of camp this summer.Speaking of moving on, this is the last Confidentially Yours column because Young People's Press is shutting its doors this week. It's been a wild ride doing CY for all these years and I thank you for coming to me and Jewel when problems sprung up. We will miss dishing out advice, but if you want to stay in contact, e-mail us at cyadvice(at)gmail.com.Editors: Jewel remains in the hospital. The following is vintage Jewel from our archives.Dear Jewel:I feel like I can't make my own choices. I wanted to become a vegetarian, but my parents gave me such a hard time, I stopped.I don't really want to go to church, but they make me feel so guilty, I give in and go. These are just a few examples. I'm 18 and should be able to live my life the way I want, don't you think?-- SHELTEREDDear SHELTERED:Making choices is an important part of growing up. You learn problem-solving skills. You learn to distinguish between right and wrong. You learn to become independent.As a young adult, my life is governed by the decisions I make. But I wasn't always in this position. Like you, I had to deal with overprotective parents.Being a bit older now, I understand where my mom and dad were coming from. They felt they had more experience than me. They thought they knew what was best for me. They were simply trying to guide me.In retrospect, I realize my folks' hearts were in the right place. But their parental tactics didn't work. I felt different from my peers. I wasn't used to making decisions. In turn, I became frustrated and resentful. Only, I didn't say anything.I want you to learn from my mistakes, Sheltered. By not speaking up, I only hurt myself. Nothing got solved. And the problem went on. Which is never healthy.I'm not suggesting you start fighting with your parents. Exchanging harsh words never does any good. If you want respect, you have to earn it. Learn to communicate as an adult. Otherwise, you risk being regarded as an out-of-control toddler. You don't want that.Try to approach your parents with a calm mind. Collect your thoughts and write down what you hope to accomplish in the family meeting you'll set up. List reasons why they should trust you. Pre-plan how you'll defend your case.Schedule the meeting at a mutually satisfactory time. Don't put yourself in a position where you have to rush. Your objective is to have a discussion -- not a hurried rant. Make sure both of your parents are present.When your parents speak, listen to them. If you disagree, challenge them with logic. If they disagree, explain why you think you're trustworthy. Regardless of what happens, don't lose your cool.Hopefully, you'll come to some agreement. If not, don't give up. Continue to prove yourself as a responsible teen. Complete your homework. Finish your chores. Volunteer in the community.(Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service, http://www.scrippsnews.com)