Honoring Dad with a tree, your presence

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On this Father's Day, many people enjoy being able to celebrate the love and the lessons our fathers gave us. Even if, like myself, you were adopted or mentored by a gentleman who was not your biological father, the blood coursing through your veins was influenced by this man who raised you.If your father is no longer with you, there are many ways that you can honor his memory. I recently planted a tree in honor of my father. It was part of a community beautification project that my neighborhood association sponsored.I saw it as a great opportunity to give my father something that would be around forever, even though he has been gone for a long while. Many towns or homeowner associations have similar programs. Check with your local city administration for a chance to honor your dad in this way.Most dads don't need a big party -- not that large events aren't great, if this is what you choose -- but all you really have to do is get him a card and arrange to spend the day doing whatever he likes.He may want to be at home or at the ballpark, but wherever you decide to be, it's not as important as who is there. Even the most stoic of men will tell you that they want their loved ones around them on this special occasion.To be a father means that you have raised or are raising children in a way that makes you all proud. Even if there have been serious issues, there comes a time when you need to put aside your differences and even your pride and say, "Hey, he may not be perfect, but he is still my dad."Remember that all families are dysfunctional on some level or another, and as long as there wasn't abuse or neglect, your old man probably did the best he could with what he had.Raising a family isn't easy, and it looks like times ahead may be a little tougher in the near term. Respect what your father has gone through and that he stuck it out, even when things weren't rosy. Most men who are now fathers had at least a moment or two when they thought about doing other things with their lives but instead opted for the amazing gig of being a daddy.When I remember my father's smile, his great jokes and how he loved so deeply, it makes me grateful I had him. It also makes me treasure the love of those I have in my life who reflect the emotions that originally came from his heart. Your father is a part of everything you do. No other gift is required.(Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a marriage and family therapist in Westlake Village, Calif., is the author of "Emotional Fitness for Couples."E-mail him at Barton(at)BartonGoldsmith.com)