ShareThisFed up with network commercials? We empathize. We really do.As a non-cable household, we watch a lot of network television. And in watching a lot of network television, we watch a lot of commercials. A (begin ital) lot (end ital) of commercials. Far more than the recommended daily allowance of commercials.Our commercial intake is so great that we have come to be aficionados of the ad. Our favorites tend toward local establishments such as pest-control services, auto dealerships and home-security providers. These seem to be a bit more homespun and endearing, with loud eager announcers and low production values. We especially appreciate their trend toward the jingle, that former commercial staple.Advertisers know that those of us who watch an hour or more of local television a day typically have four or five jingles bouncing around our heads at a given time. They're overplayed, annoying and tremendously effective.We might believe otherwise, but we are all supremely susceptible to this sort of marketing. You can pretend it's only an ironic pleasure, but at the end of the day, you've been singing the Scherzinger Pest Control song for 10 straight hours. Guess who's getting the call when you find a cockroach in the cabinet?As advert aficionados, we've come to understand that it's more than the image that's being sold. The music and even the disembodied voice have just as much agenda as the actress with the overactive bladder. And in our learned opinions, there is one frightening trend that needs to go, and needs to go right now.You're watching the evening news and sitting down to dinner. The first commercial break features the first in what will be a litany of pharmaceutical commercials. It's an ad aimed at women, with the necessary female announcer, and yet, this announcer is different. This announcer really seems to (begin ital) understand (end ital). She is obviously very (begin ital) empathetic (end ital). Her every sentence seems to end in (begin ital) italics (end ital).She is the Empathetic Woman Announcer, a breathy, overwrought, hand-on-your-knee voiceover who understands, because she's (begin ital) been (end ital) there, just like you, and, hey, we're all in this together. Ahem, (begin ital) together (end ital).The Empathetic Woman Announcer also has her equivalent of a jingle -- an advertisement for a major drugstore chain that features a Sarah McLachlan cover about beautiful, remarkable miracles. The singer, however, is not McLachlan, but a breathier, more empathetic songstress. Which, if you've ever heard Sarah McLachlan, is no small feat.This song, when reduced to jingle length and fitted with a jingle refrain, is mentally adhesive in the worst way. And it reminds you of nothing -- no product, store or seller -- so much as it makes you feel, well, understood. Only, in a bad way. In an overly sincere, maudlin, fake-concern sort of way.What, then, is Empathetic Woman Announcer and her songstress sister attempting to sell? Surely not her false understanding. Even the most naive commercial viewer must recognize such schlock for what it truly is: A naked plea to empathy, for a viewership that isn't so much misunderstood as overlooked.After all, the closest male equivalent to the Empathetic Woman Announcer is a winking, smirking older gentleman who understands your "performance" troubles and wants to help with some "enhancement." With that kind of evening-news onslaught, a woman should take all the empathy she can get.(Ben Grabow writes for the young, the urban, and the easily amused. Contact him at thinlyread(at)gmail.com.)(Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service, http://www.scrippsnews.com)
A naked plea to empathy
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