With a crush, don't apply too much pressure

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Dear Jewel,I'm in eighth grade. I like this girl a lot. The problem is I haven't told her my feelings. Even worse, I get real jealous when I see her talking to other guys. What should I do? -- Crushed OutDear C.O.,F.Y.I.: Crushing on someone is nothing unusual. However, expecting that special person to cut off all communication with the opposite sex is absurd. After all, we live in a co-ed society. There's no escaping male-female interaction. You also have to realize that this gal isn't a mind reader. She has no idea how you feel about her. It's not fair to expect her to connect the invisible dots lining your heart.It's about time you ask this girl out. Taking action will help quell your frustrations. Your objective is to enjoy one date with her. Declaring any feelings of "love" will only reek of infatuation. So, don't even think about going there. What's the game plan? Think: Honesty. Simply pay her a sincere compliment and tell her you'd like to get to her know her better through going out. She may say "yes," "no," or "give me time to think about it." Forget about applying any pressure. Space is known to do wonders.If you're turned down, you'll get closure. Nothing beats the feeling of knowing you tried. If she agrees, ask for ideas about where to go or what to do. Plan this date as a team. Regardless of what happens, you must remember that this girl will always have the right to speak with other dudes. Preventing this will spin a whole myriad of problems. You don't want that. -- Love, JewelHi, Dave,I finished university and have a good paying job. My girlfriend also finished but is returning for grad school. Then she says she may want to continue after that.I want to get on with our life, get married and have kids. She wants to put it off until she's finished her education. My fear is that could be years away, and I'm ready now. I'm wondering if her wanting to stay in school is a ploy to avoiding marriage. Do you think I could be on to something? I haven't put it to her that way, yet.-- Eager to WedDear Eager: You might be frustrated, but you have to understand one vital truth about relationships: They are built on honesty and trust. If you don't think your girlfriend is being real with you about her reasons for continuing school, maybe you two have trust issues. What gives you the idea she'd be deceiving you? Is it your own insecurities?In relationships, one person might want to marry and another one doesn't, but I don't think that's a deal-breaker. Talk to her to find out where she stands on the issue and let her know your position. Discuss your options. Maybe you have to be more patient, or maybe she needs to fess up about why she's taking so long to settle down. And realize that many women these days don't want to play the homemaker-mother role; they want to pursue lifelong ambitions and get degrees and take part in the workforce and so on. Perhaps she has many goals to accomplish before starting a family with you.As a last resort, consult a therapist to talk about your feelings and frustrations. Seeing a therapist doesn't mean your relationship is dysfunctional - it just means you're smart enough to take a solid step in the right direction.Good luck!(Got a hot question for our cool columnists? E-mail Jewel or Dave at submissions(at)ypp.net or check them out at www.ypp.net.)(Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service, http://www.scrippsnews.com)