These things we know ...

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Around the sports world, some things you suspect, some you guess at and some things you just know:-- Rockies manager Clint Hurdle had a chance to rub Joe Torre in the face of the Yankees by picking the Dodgers manager as one of his coaches for the last All-Star Game to be played in Yankee Stadium. He did not, but still, with Hurdle's natural sense of fun, you had to figure he would do it anyhow.-- The White Sox slump-breaking gimmick of blow-up dolls in the clubhouse and the Yankees' Jason Giambi's habit of wearing a gold thong to change his luck is to good taste what taffy is to dentures.-- The shifting of bodies in the Broncos front office is Mike Shanahan's way of reupholstering footstools.-- Patrick Roy taking himself out of the Avs' coaching search is the same as Mike Huckabee refusing to be president. -- Unlikely but possible, the 50 wins by the Nuggets might still be more than the Rockies.-- The Olympic torch relay doesn't take as long as Colorado's Taylor Buchholz pitching from the stretch.-- It is not my job to explain to the Nuggets' Kenyon Martin that no one gives a trophy for being the worst fourth man in basketball.-- Substance abuse is OK if the substance is a linebacker.-- As long as University of Colorado basketball insists on high academic standards, putting education over athletics, it can never be another Kansas.-- All those socks that got lost in the laundry have shown up as the official mascots of the Chinese Olympic Games.-- The Matt Holliday rumors are there only to show that the Rockies are thinking; it is not always easy to tell.-- After alleged affairs with a young country singer and with John Daly's former wife, Roger Clemens might want to show Congress the dictionary he used to look up the word "reputation."-- The Rockies pitching staff is proving that the easiest thing to do in sports is to hit a round bat with a round ball.-- The NBA should apply amusement park ride rules on draft day: "No children allowed unless you cannot walk under the basket without bumping your head on the rim."-- The argument over whether Roger Federer or Rafael Nadal is No. 1 in tennis must be raging in valet parking lots across Europe.-- Par ought to be the golfer's IQ.-- The Penguins and the Red Wings playing for Lord Stanley's Cup is about as grand a final as hockey can provide, and nothing more need be said about hockey.-- The BCS folks are not rejecting a four-team playoff for college football as much as they are waiting for a counteroffer. -- The best kind of sports official should be treated like a guest towel, noticed but not used.-- There would be fewer overweight umpires if they had to run with the players as officials in other sports have to; come to think of it, there would be fewer overweight first basemen, too.-- Charles Barkley owes $400,000 but doesn't have a gambling problem and Barkley hasn't fallen off his diet, he has jumped, carrying his own silverware.-- Here is how to shop Allen Iverson: shooting star for the team who has everything except ulcers.-- You can't watch George Karl work without wondering whatever happened to Geppetto.-- Carmelo Anthony's mind is a terrible thing to wake.-- Commissioner David Stern vows to do something about loud and flashy NBA game stunts, even allowing it might be just him who resents being "assaulted by loud rap, smoke, pyrotechnics and chemicals." A show of hands, please.-- And still all of that is less offensive than those singers and horn hustlers who try to put their signature on the national anthem, forgetting that it has already been signed.-- Big Brown in the Belmont, easy.-- Changing coaches in the NHL matters less than changing socks(Contact Bernie Lincicome of the Rocky Mountain News at lincicomeb(at)rockymountainnews.com.)