ShareThisIt's been four months since the first presidential contests in Iowa and New Hampshire. The Democratic campaigns continue. And it's entirely our fault.We, the people of Kentucky, sincerely apologize.Early on, we came to you in your local newspapers with a reminder: Kentucky still exists. With all the attention to Iowa corn and New Hampshire granite, our commonwealth felt ignored and neglected. We spoke out not in disdain for the Midwest and Northeast, but merely to remind the public that we were still here, in case you forgot.When the focus fell, later, on Ohio instead, the slight was more significant. "Look here," we called, "across the river! Yes, the Ohio River, which is mostly in Kentucky! It's us! The Bluegrass State!" But our hoots and hollers fell on a deaf electorate. Our vote did not matter.With a primary that falls fifth from last, it's easy to be forgotten. But when Pennsylvania, and then Indiana and North Carolina, stole the nation's attention, the affront became too much. We prepared to invade.You probably didn't notice; the effort was concealed very well. Over the course of a week or so, the entire commonwealth stockpiled its supplies of corn mash and clogs, preparing an inebriated stomp across state lines. We'd make the news one way or another. The raid was, in fact, only hours away when we had a revelation.With a primary that falls fifth from last, Kentucky rarely matters. Once our turn rolls around, a candidate has typically been selected, and that candidate rarely makes the trip. Campaign finances are tight and the point is moot. A candidate would have to really, really want to visit Kentucky.And there it was. Months ago, in an address to the country, we made our case for Kentucky. And our case was so convincing, so irresistible, that the candidates couldn't refuse. They would continue their campaigns, at whatever the financial, emotional or political cost, to stump in the Birthplace of Lincoln.Illinois can stamp all the license plates it wants. Kentucky is the Birthplace of Lincoln.So, this whole thing? All of these debates and sound bites and gaffes and gutter balls? Entirely our fault. We did not realize the potential of bourbon and bluegrass music as a political lure.Did we mention that Kentucky public schools have a 94.6 percent attendance rate? Thought we'd mention it.So again, we apologize. This obviously was not our intention in January. All we'd wanted was a piece of the media pie, and even then, we hadn't intended to boast or brag. We wanted only to remind an otherwise occupied country that there were 48 states outside of Iowa and New Hampshire, and that Kentucky was one of them. The only one with the oldest continually held horse race or the world's largest free-swinging bell, yes, but one of the remaining 48 just the same.And when May 20 draws close and the candidates descend on our diners and doughnut shops, we hope you'll understand what all the trouble was for. Kentucky makes a fairly convincing case. We wouldn't want to miss it, either.(Ben Grabow writes for the young, the urban and the easily amused. E-mail him at thinlyread(at)gmail.com.)(Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service, http://www.scrippsnews.com)
A Kentuckian's apology
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