Choosing to change your life is first step

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People improve. I see it every day. And most of the time, they do it on their own. Therapy can help, but the old saying does prove true more times than not: To make it happen, you have to want to change.Seeing a therapist can be helpful, especially if the therapist is a good listener. Simply knowing that someone hears you is empowering, and that is a doorway to positive transition.That being said, I believe we have the ability to change many things about ourselves on our own, without ever going to a counselor's office or picking up a self-help book.The first -- and toughest -- step is to realize that a change is necessary or desirable. This can be the most difficult part because it's just really hard to look at your own flaws.Sometimes all that is required is a mild life-affirming (or -altering) experience. Carl Jung would have called it a "spiritual experience."Unfortunately, when most people hear "spiritual experience," they immediately conjure up some kind of huge occurrence or an epiphany of some magnitude, like a near-death experience. The truth is that profound depth can be found in the simplest of things. And many times, just realizing you want things to be different can be the turning point in difficult circumstances.One of the best ways to make improvements in your own life is to look at how someone you respect changed for the better. Examining how those we admire have improved their circumstances can teach us what we need to do to enhance our own lives. If you'd like advice, ask for it. People who take their own lives and behaviors seriously are usually willing to lend a hand, but don't expect them to come to you.By making the effort to ask for guidance, you are showing your commitment to self-improvement. If someone is going to offer counsel, he will want to know you're sincere.Another way to make appropriate changes is to process what's happening internally. Sitting quietly and feeling what is going on inside can help you heal your hurt and discover what you need to move to the next level. The simplest form of meditation is to focus on your breathing for several minutes. This also has been shown to promote happiness.There are millions of ways to make yourself feel better, but they all require the same thing to work: you have to want them to and you have to embrace the changes.(Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a marriage and family therapist in Westlake Village, Calif., is the author of "Emotional Fitness for Couples." E-mail him at Barton(at)BartonGoldsmith.com)