Food should be seen but not smelled in cubicle culture

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Envy -- it's the cure for the common sandwich.Step into any modern cubicle, lure its occupant away with a blintz, and turn over the keyboard. After a good shake, you'll find the collected crumbs of several hundred sandwiches, all consumed within sight of a spreadsheet.The deli-sliced turkey on wheat has long been the most popular fare of the common wage slave. The choice between mayo and mustard is the highlight of many a miserable workweek. But there comes a point in every career, often around 12:15 on a Tuesday, when something has to change -- a point where another sandwich could tip the scale toward stapler rage.Before you reload that Swingline, dear associate, remember that there's more to a meal than dry bread and long-expired lunchmeat. And keep in mind that an office lunch is best served with a significant side of jealousy.The modern cubicle, in the modern workplace, is by design an open environment. In addition to maximizing space, the open-plan office allows for the free exchange of information and ideas. It is the ideal environment, then, for everyone to know what you're eating.This, of course, cuts both ways. In most open-plan offices, the ideas are lucky to flow as freely as the noises and smells. Which is why it is important to note, right off, that the ideal lunch should not smell. Or, rather, a lunch's fragrance should not escape one's cubicle.You may think that your co-workers will covet your reheated chicken curry, but any odor more powerful than printer toner will not so much inspire envy as induce nausea. The aroma of reheated leftovers will earn enemies in high places, especially if there is ductwork nearby.The ideal lunch should appeal not by smell but by sight. Think back on all the times when, after hours of diligent work, a supervisor happened to stop by just as you checked your personal e-mail, some sports scores, or perhaps a banjo listserv. Now imagine, instead, being caught with your delicious, colorful, remarkably healthy lunch.Healthy is key. It's not enough to have the more appetizing meal. Though a heaping bowl of mac 'n' cheese may look better than turkey on wheat, a co-worker can convince himself that his meal is more virtuous and, therefore, better. Fresh fruit and raw vegetables, meanwhile, are both appealing and full of such important nutrients as potassium, vitamin C and smug satisfaction.In addition to offering feelings of superiority, some sliced bell pepper or a mid-afternoon McIntosh will maintain your blood sugar and afternoon coherency far better than 16 ounces of truckstop taurine. As of this writing, there are still more varieties of orange out there than incarnations of Diet Coke.Whether it's as simple as pita and hummus or a make-ahead meal like cold sesame noodles, shop with your unfortunate coworkers in mind. When you come to work each morning, you can look forward to both your meal and the expectant looks of passers-by as they lust after your leftovers.So this week, escape the shackles of bread, condiment and meat. Think outside of the recycled hamburger box. And remember, above all else, there is no dessert so sweet as a hungry employee's envy.(Ben Grabow writes for the young, the urban and the easily amused. E-mail him at thinlyread(at)gmail.com.)(Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service, http://www.scrippsnews.com)