Even good friends can give bad advice

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I love my friends. I love that they are there for me, and I respect their advice. But in some cases, the advice of friends may not be as helpful as they or you would like it to be.Our experiences influence the advice we give. For example, if your friend was cheated on, he or she may believe that having opposite-sex friends is always bad for relationships. If having opposite-sex friends is an issue in your relationship with your loved one, your friend may not be able to give you a clear perspective.Sometimes we vent our situations or emotions with our friends. It's so great to have someone who's empathetic listen to our rants, particularly about our mates. The problem is that a friend may not only take our side but also come to share our feelings toward the one we've been complaining about.In the moment, your friend will feel the same things you are emoting. If you're angry, your friend will feel that along with you, and it can be really empowering. However, once you leave and go home, if you resolve your problem, your friend may still be left with negative feelings, even if you've left them behind.This can make it difficult to socialize with that friend once you and your partner make up. In the worst case, it may lead to having to choose between your friend and your love. Not a great place to be.To prevent denting or ending a relationship, it's best not to lay too much on your friend. When you share strong emotions, use a preamble like, "Hey I'd like to run something by you, but I don't want you to be angry at my partner for it." Saying this will signal your friend to do his or her best to remain objective and allow you to share your feelings openly.Once you take sides, it can be very difficult to see an impartial outcome to someone else's predicament. If your friend can suspend his or her judgment and listen deeply, he or she should be able to give you appropriate support. Just make sure you have an honest communication and your friend also cares about the success of your relationship.Also remember that you need to make your own decisions, no matter what someone else thinks. Your friend is not living your life and won't be able to really see things the way that you do.Being able to share our stories with friends is one of life's greatest gifts. It helps to validate our lives and keeps us balanced.(Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a marriage and family therapist in Westlake Village, Calif., is the author of "Emotional Fitness for Couples. Contact him at Barton(at)BartonGoldsmith.com. For more stories visit scrippsnews.com)