Offer to pay half of the wedding expenses has too many strings

Q: My future in-laws generously offered to pay for half of our wedding, so we happily accepted. Big mistake. Now they're trying to make every decision for us. When we approach them about it, they say they'll just take their money back if we don't respect their opinion. Help!A: While the offer was very gracious, it sounds like this money comes with strings attached. Sit down with your future in-laws and try to find out what key features of the wedding matter most to them. If you can work with what they want, you might consider a compromise (have them choose the menu while you pick the linens).If they're unable to budge, it might be a better idea to tell them that you appreciate the offer, but you've decided to throw a smaller affair on your own dime. You'll eliminate the issue of having to include them in every wedding-planning decision, and it might relieve some of the tension. They'll likely be defensive or upset, but try to be as gentle and understanding as possible to avoid any unfixable rifts.(Carley Roney, co-founder and editor in chief of The Knot, the nation's leading wedding resource, advises millions of brides on modern wedding etiquette at www.theknot.com.)(Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service, http://www.scrippsnews.com)