Alex Marvez's weekly look at professional wrestling

ShareThis

Mediocrity is not what one of pro wrestling's harshest critics wants."I know this sounds blasphemous, but I'd much rather see something really good than really bad," said Randy Baer, creator of the Wrestlecrap.com Web site that spoofs the very worst story lines grappling has to offer."If it's really good, that's great. If it's really bad, that's great. Anything that can keep me entertained -- no matter if it's some fantastic in-ring action or a train wreck."He has prospered from the latter. Under the pseudonym R.D. Reynolds, Baer and co-author Blade Braxton recently released a book chronicling some of grappling's most embarrassing moments."The WrestleCrap Book of Lists" ($19.95, ECW Press) offers rankings for a slew of goofy topics. Among them are the industry's greatest perms ("The Genius" Lanny Poffo was the winner), worst champion (David Arquette) and most stereotypical performer (Tony "Saba Simba" Atlas).The lists culminate with wrestling's 25 worst characters. The winner: Terry "Red Rooster" Taylor, whose promising career was irreparably damaged in the late 1980s by a lame World Wrestling Entertainment gimmick."The lists are just excuses to make jokes," said Baer, who provides background information with every ranking. "We wanted to be almost like a bathroom book. It's something you can pick up, have a laugh and move on with your life -- all the while realizing the sheer stupidity that happens in pro wrestling. That's why we love it."Baer, 38, became a pro-wrestling fan in the mid-1980s after witnessing the athleticism of the British Bulldogs and the wit of Bobby "The Brain" Heenan on WWE telecasts. But it wasn't long before Baer started deriving as much enjoyment out of story lines and characters that (begin italic) didn't (end italic) work. The Shockmaster's inauspicious World Championship Wrestling debut -- Fred "Tugboat" Ottman's storm-trooper-style mask flew off when he accidentally tripped through a wall on a live telecast -- and WWE's necrophilia-themed Katie Vick angle are two examples.Baer, though, said some ideas that sound outlandish on paper rank among wrestling's most successful. Topping that list is Mark "The Undertaker" Calaway and former manager Paul Bearer (real name Bill Moody).Said Baer: "If I say, 'I've got a great character for you. I want you to be an undead zombie and you're going to come out with a fat man playing a mortician. He's going to hold up an urn and you're going to roll your eyes back,' you'd be thinking this has to be one of the worst ideas ever. But The Undertaker has been a huge star for years. This should have never worked. But it did because you had the right person pulling it off."While remaining an avid fan, Baer admits his love of wrestling was shaken in 2007 by two events: A product with diminished realism and the murder/suicide of Chris Benoit and his family. Still, Baer looks for the lighter side of what can be a dark industry.X...X...XThose who ordered last Sunday's "Royal Rumble" pay-per-view show were rewarded by a surprise appearance by John Cena. Sidelined since October with a torn pectoral muscle, Cena eliminated Paul "Triple H" Levesque to win the 30-man "Rumble" battle royale. The victory earned Cena a WWE title shot at "Wrestlemania 24" in March. But Cena is already facing Randy Orton on Feb. 17 at the "No Way Out" pay-per-view show. Last week, Cena said he didn't expect to have a role at "Mania" because he is slated to begin filming a movie in New Orleans.X...X...XFormer WWE champion Brock Lesnar makes his Ultimate Fighting Championship debut on Saturday night in a pay-per-view bout against former heavyweight kingpin Frank Mir. UFC should hope Lesnar helps convert some pro-wrestling fans to mixed-martial-arts fighting. For the first time last week, Spike drew a larger audience with Total Nonstop Action Wrestling's "Impact" telecast (1.6 million viewers) than a UFC "Fight Night" special (1.4 million).(Alex Marvez writes a syndicated pro wrestling column for Scripps-Howard News Service. Contact him at alex1marv(at)aol.com.)