Questioning her sexuality ... At odds with parents over major

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Jewel,I'm 17 and have never had a serious relationship.I find guys boring and I'm pretty sure I'm attracted more to girls. How do I know if I'm a lesbian or not?-- ON THE EDGEDear O.T.E.,Your sexual attractions are personal. Therapist Patty Hayes, MSW, who identifies as a lesbian herself, offers fascinating info.Right off the bat, your non-zesty dating history isn't indicative of your sexual disposition."Finding guys 'boring' in and of itself doesn't necessarily mean you're straight, gay or anything else," Hayes says. "More than anything, it's a piece of information you have about yourself and your attractions that needs to be considered in a larger context."So how can you figure out who you are?"The first step to understanding who you are involves paying attention to your feelings, thoughts, turn-ons, turnoffs, etc. Maybe you'll find you are attracted more to females. Maybe you'll find that while some guys are 'boring,' you find certain types of guys exciting. Maybe you'll find that you like things about both."To better understand yourself, Hayes wants you to recognize that your sexuality is made up of many parts."First, all of us have a sexual orientation, which is our natural, internal set of attractions. It's what gets your palms sweaty, your heart beating faster and your mind pleasantly distracted without even trying. It involves biology, as well as emotions, thoughts and even spirit."What happens if your sexual orientation doesn't fit into a tidy box?"While most people naturally gravitate toward one sex/gender more than the other, very few of us are exclusively attracted to just males or just females," Hayes says. "Also, sexuality can be fluid and change over time, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot."Hayes reveals another chief layer of sexuality -- sexual behavior."This is what we actually do and who we do it with. Unlike sexual orientation, we are in control of this part of our sexuality. Most of us engage in sexual behaviors that are in line with our sexual orientation, but sometimes, for a lot of reasons, people don't."Lastly, there's sexual identity. In a nutshell, Hayes says, "These are the labels we give ourselves." Think: straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, etc.Still confused? That's OK. Hayes recommends you seek out a youth group exploring sexuality for support. Please also surf over to: www.youthresource.com.-- Love, JewelDave,It's time to apply for college and I don't know what to do. My parents want me to take business and I'm more interested in starting with a B.A., with a major in psychology.They say that doesn't lead to anything and that I have to think about money and a career. I don't see myself as a guy in a business suit, so there's no way I'll follow that path. Do you think they'll get over it?-- ARTS GUYDear ARTS GUY,Your parents care about you and want you to live comfortably. Perhaps they see a business career as one where you won't have to worry about money. Thing is, parents shouldn't be forcing their career ideas onto their kids, no matter the intention. You're right in following your heart. What you have to do now is reassure Mom and Dad your future will be bright -- and secure.Majoring in psychology can lead to success, but you have to prove it to your parents. Take some time to research what psychologists earn every year, and bookmark newspaper articles where psychologists are featured prominently.And since you like arts, explain to your parents that many people can find financial security in that field, whether through grants or positions at large arts bodies like opera companies. Sometimes, people hear the word "arts" and immediately think of starving musician or noodle-eating painters. Times have changed, and artists are finding themselves in jobs that can be rewarding in every respect.Stick to your guns, and you'll be happy in college. It's natural for your parents to worry about your choices, so don't overreact if they become protective. Just let them know you've got your life to lead.(Got a hot question for our cool columnists? E-mail Jewel or Dave at writeus(at)ypp.net or check them out on-line at http://www.ypp.net.)(Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service, http://www.scrippsnews.com)