In too many cases, siblings don't know one another

ShareThis

I remember as a child listening to a radio drama about a young man and woman, both orphans, who fell passionately in love only to learn that they were brother and sister.At the time I dismissed the story as fiction. I couldn't imagine how anyone could be utterly ignorant of his or her parentage. I assumed sibling rivalry to be vastly stronger than mutual attraction.But that was at a time before in vitro fertilization (IVF) and anonymous sperm donors, and before research confirmed the powerful genetic attraction between fraternal twins and other siblings separated at birth who meet as adults.Nor was I aware of the pervasive secrecy that conspires to deprive adopted children and those conceived with the aid of anonymous donors from a knowledge of their parentage and the existence of any siblings or half-brothers and sisters.One American man with 15 years experience as a sperm donor recently calculated that he could possibly be the father of 4,960 children, but admits no knowledge or interest in any one of them.His identity is withheld from any child he fathers. An artist in California, he is aware that he is father to 25 babies by 18 women.Richard Woods and Claire Newell, reporting in the Sunday Times of London, tell the story of an American couple who placed nine of their 13 children with adoptive parents in a small community. Some of the children were told they were adopted; the others, including Gary Klahr and Micka Zeman, were not. Gary and Micka fell in love, had a passionate affair, and set a date for their marriage, only to learn that they were brother and sister.In a cruel twist, Gary asked his closest friend to be best man, only to learn later that they were blood brothers.Incest ranks as the greatest single taboo in tribal and cultivated societies alike around the world. Even in tiny primitive communities, children are aware of their parentage and realize who their "kissing cousins" are.But in our supposedly sophisticated society brothers and sisters can be unaware of their relationship. The similarity of their DNA poses terrible risks should they have children of their own. Many people have recessive genes for disorders such as cystic fibrosis. When close relatives have a child together, the chance of disability or death is great. Even the offspring of cousins are twice as likely to die in childhood.Recently a marriage between twins was annulled in England, but only after they married. During courtship, they were aware that they shared the same birthday, but considered it a coincidence.The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child ensures that every child can "preserve his or her identity." But secrecy and shame run so deeply in some families that many children do not think to inquire, and there is no duty to tell.Ironically, some experts actually defend parental deception, arguing that in as many as 10 percent of ordinary births, the husband or partner of the mother is not the true father of the child. But in the Bible even brothers Jacob and Esau knew who their parents were.(David Yount's "Growing in Faith: A Guide for the Reluctant Christian" (Seabury) is in its second edition. He answers readers at P.O. Box 2758, Woodbridge, VA 22195 and dyount(at)erols.com)??