ShareThisDear Dr. Fournier:With the beginning of the New Year, I want to introduce my first-grade daughter to responsibility by giving her a few chores around the house. I don't want to give her more than she can handle, but I see so many people today who wait for others to clean up after them. I don't want my daughter to be one of these people, and I want her to appreciate what she has been given. I thought it might be good to use a reward or punishment system. What would you suggest? ASSESSMENTI could not agree more that we live in a time when people don't take any responsibility or accountability in their lives, not only literally, but also figuratively. This attitude permeates our public and corporate environments. Responsibility is an essential foundation of leadership and a core value that we desperately need our future leaders to embrace.While teaching responsibility to your first-grade daughter is a great idea, I would vehemently oppose the punishment or rewards methods. Consider their origins -- they were developed with rats and then applied to humans. Instead, I would recommend a system I developed and have used for years called "Caring." This system teaches your child the reasons and motives for their responsibilities, focusing on love and care for others. Our actions should come from the desire to do good and love one another, not from fear of punishment or lost reward. Using the "Caring" perspective, responsibility is non-negotiable. With the reward system, your daughter may decide that she doesn't want to help with the dishes, and she doesn't care if there isn't a reward. With the "Caring" approach, you daughter won't equate responsibility with rewards. She will learn it is something based on love.WHAT TO DOChange the word "chores" to "responsibilities." This makes the action necessary and not optional. By giving your daughter age appropriate responsibilities at home, you teach her that a loving and caring family works together. Let her know that she is an important part of a family that is working together to care for each other's hearts. Why should she clean her room? Because someone who loved her worked hard to provide that room. "Caring" teaches that when children trash what is given to them, they are trashing the heart that gave it to them. The "Caring" thing to do is to put the clothes on a hanger. This small act should be emphasized as an act of love, not a mere chore. There will be times when your daughter forgets her responsibilities, and these are teaching opportunities. When this happens, stay focused on the event and find a new way to teach the responsibility by emphasizing love. Screaming, complaining, and sending your daughter to her room is not the way you want your child to respect her role of responsibility in your home. Remember that the motivation for the action is the difference between the "Caring" approach and the rewards or punishment systems. This is not simply semantics, but rather a shift in thinking.Who wants an employee not to steal only because they may get fired? Who wants their spouse to be faithful only because they are afraid of a divorce? Motivation is everything in life, and teaching a child by the "Caring" approach will give the world one more person it can rely on for greater peace and kindness. (Write Dr. Yvonne Fournier, Fournier Learning Strategies Inc., 5900 Poplar, Memphis, Tenn. 38119. E-mail her at drfournier(at)hfhw.net)
How to teach responsibility to a first grader
Submitted by SHNS on Thu, 01/24/2008 - 12:26
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Do Zeros for uncompleted work teach responsibility?
I am the mom of a 6yr old girl in first grade. My question to you is...Does assigning a first grader a zero for classwork that they did not turn in a good way of teaching responsibility?
My daughter received a zero on two worksheets that were done during class but she didn't turn in. The worksheets were done 2 weeks ago, and this week when the teacher was doing the progress reports noticed that she had not turned in the work. She asked my daughter to find the worksheets and to check her desk. My daughter looked and couldn't find them and told the teacher she couldn't find them. The teacher then proceeded to give her a zero. She did not show her a copy of what the worksheets looked like, or help her look in her desk. When I asked the teacher why she didn't show her what it looked like she said she didn't have one in front of her to show her, she just expected that my daughter would know. Keep in mind that this is a school that loves worksheets - it's all I ever see come home, both for classwork and homework - so how can she expect her to remember something that was done weeks prior. I also asked the teacher why she didn't help her find the worksheets - she said that she did that kind of thing at the beginning of the year, but that at some point they have to be responsible for finding it themselves. After I received the progress report I put a note on it that I would not, as a parent, accept a zero for classwork. After receiving my note the teacher proceeded to finally look in my child's desk and she found one of the worksheet and it was already complete, then she had a discussion with my child about telling the truth. She actually thought my child was lying to her! Why would my child hide a completed paper from the teacher. I asked the teacher if this has been a problem she has been having with my child (lying or not turning in work) and she said no. She has now, only after my involvement, agreed to let my child do the work for a grade, but it bothers me that I have had to get this involved - what else is going on in this classroom.
I have tried to talk to the teacher about this, but we still disagree. And now my child is caught in the middle, she came home yesterday and told me she had a bad day at school because the teacher yelled at her. After finding the worksheet in my child's desk, the teacher yelled at her (or that's how it came across) about lying. I honestly don't know what to do. Of course the teacher is hiding behind a so called "school policy" that says they can assign a zero for uncompleted work.
You are deluded. Grades in
You are deluded. Grades in the first grade don't matter, the teacher is trying to teach her a lesson about being accountable for the work she hands in. Now all that she's learned is that whenever she makes a mistake, her mommy will come and clean it up for her. By getting involved you've taught your daughter to not trust her teachers, good job, see how that helps her later in life.