Ahem, there's more to the USA than granite and grain

Just so you know -- there are other states, too.With Iowa and New Hampshire constantly in the news, it can be easy to forget that our great nation consists of several other states. The evening news would have us believe that these states represent the entire country, as if our chief exports were corn and spectacular foliage. But America is more complex, more nuanced, than grain and granite.And that is why we, the residents of Kentucky, feel it is important you know that Kentucky still exists.Yes, we're still here, even if we're not exactly making or breaking any political careers. No one will give a rousing speech by the giant Louisville Slugger or a tear-jerking interview at Churchill Downs. There will be no telling gaffe or flub at the Lincoln birthplace.For the next few months we'll continue along unnoticed, with a primary occurring fifth from last. We can't even have the oxymoronic distinction of the last primary.But yes, we're still here, holding up Ohio and making sure Tennessee doesn't spread.How did it come to pass, we ask, that Kentucky should be so unimportant, while states like Iowa and New Hampshire are lofted to national fame?Iowa is smallish and cold, a rectangular cornfield, and New Hampshire, even colder, is too small to have its own piece on a child's puzzle.Even in shape they can't compare to Kentucky's graceful outlines -- a cartographer's dream of rolling river boundary and ruler-straight border. And how can they compete with Kentucky's unique natural features? Limestone caves! Natural rock bridges! Vinegar-based coleslaw with bacon on top! So much to offer, yet we are cast from consideration like Kucinich himself.Perhaps it's a political fear of clogging, the official state dance. Perhaps it's the mystery of our chicken and its carefully-guarded 11 secret ingredients.Perhaps it's because we're not actually a state. Technically, we're the "Commonwealth" of Kentucky. We're not really sure why, but even if we did figure it out, it certainly wouldn't make the papers.That's why we're out here, on our own time, making sure that you and your families remember that Kentucky still exists.Consider, though, if Kentucky actually did have the honor of the primary primary. Imagine the potential for political drama. Candidates compensating for height issues by posing with jockeys. Debates involving a great deal of authentic bourbon whiskey. Entire campaign convoys falling prey to errant sinkholes. Tell us this wouldn't make great television.Instead we get footage of Iowan truck stops and New England diners; corn futures and syrup sales.Things won't improve once the actual election rolls around. Our eight electoral votes rarely mean much, and most candidates visit little more than our (spacious, clean) interstates.And so, for the rest of the year, we'll be spared the constant pandering. Our streets will not be jammed with campaign buses and party processions. Our phones will not ring during dinner to remind us of the nearby meet-and-greet. And our mailboxes will not be stuffed like holiday fowl with glossy campaign literature.You know what? Forget we mentioned anything. We really don't need all the attention.(Ben Grabow writes for the young, the urban, and the easily amused. Contact him at thinlyread(at)gmail.com.)(Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service, http://www.scrippsnews.com)