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A look at your favorite superhero's wish list

Submitted by administrator on Mon, 12/24/2007 - 14:32

In the spirit of the holiday season, I thought it only fair to include our fictional friends in the celebration. So I asked a bunch of them the following question: "What gift do you want this year?"-- Batman (Bruce Wayne, Gotham City): My parents are dead, you know that? What's Christmas without your parents? They were killed by criminals, a cowardly, superstitious lot. I want criminals to pay. And pay and pay and pay! My parents are DEAD! (Sob.)-- Scrooge McDuck (Duckburg, Calisota): What sort of idiot question is that? Wak! I want money, you moron, MONEY! I want to dive into it like a porpoise, toss it in the air and let it bounce off my head and burrow through it like a gopher!-- Superman (Clark Kent, Metropolis): I'd like peace on Earth, good will toward men. And maybe for people to stop snickering when I say that. Really, guys, it hurts my feelings.-- Wonder Woman (Diana Prince, Washington D.C.): A decent movie. By Hera, any kind of movie! Even Howard the Duck has a movie! But what else can I expect in man's world? Not that I'm bitter. -- Spider-Man (Peter Parker, New York City): Gee, I don't know, I don't think I really deserve anything good to happen to me. I got my uncle killed, you know? I should get coal in my stocking. -- Hulk (Bruce Banner, New Mexico desert): Something to smash. Hulk already smash most of good stuff, including Manhattan. Also, maybe some purple pants. Hulk run out of them routinely, for some reason.-- Homer Simpson (Springfield, USA): Beer. MMMmmm, beer.-- Iron Man (Tony Stark, SHIELD helicarrier): Maybe some Brasso. Seriously, I'm a multi-billionaire, leader of the Avengers, director of the world's premier espionage agency and dating half the starlets in Hollywood. I've got a movie coming up and the president on speed dial. What else could I want? Well, I guess I could use some friends. After Captain America got killed, and everyone blamed me for that, I've been kinda lonely. Will you be my friend? If you will, I'll stop spying on you, I promise. Well, mostly.-- Captain Marvel (Billy Batson, Fawcett City): Gee, I think it would be awesome if everyone tried to, y'know, get along and be friends and, like, be nice and stuff. Or I'll punch them. I'm talkin' to you, Dr. Sivana!-- Ming (the Merciless, Mongo): I want Flash Gordon dead! Dead, dead, dead! Also, Dale Arden under my Mongo Tree dressed only in a bow. Can I say that in a newspaper? Because I really, really, really want it. A lot.-- Captain America (Steve Rogers, KIA): I want to not be dead any more. Seriously, it's been, what, six months? Come on, already.-- Mr. Fantastic (Reed Richards, NYC): The answers. To everything.-- Invisible Woman (Sue Richards, NYC): For my husband to get his hyper-extended nose out of the lab and take me to dinner once in a while. Is that too much to ask? It's like he doesn't even see me sometimes.-- Dr. Doom (Victor Von Doom, Latveria): All should be subservient to DOOM! Especially Richards! Kneel before DOOM!-- Wolverine (Logan, Westchester County): A vacation. Do you know how many books I star in every month, bub? I don't either, but it's a lot. -- Cyclops (Scott Summers, Westchester County): To be as popular as Wolverine. Hey, I've been an X-Man since 1963, and Logan-Come-Lately didn't join up until 1975. And I got killed in the last X-movie, and he's going to star in his own! Where's the fairness in that?-- Lex Luthor (ex-CEO of LexCorp, ex-president of USA, location unknown): A little respect. Everyone fawns over the damn Kryptonian, when I am clearly his superior. -- Donald Duck's nephews (Duckburg, Calisota): (Huey) "The 'Junior Woodchucks Guidebook' on the Internet" (Dewey) "and a new laptop" (Louie) "to access it anywhere."-- Galactus (outer space): A wet, green planet to eat -- with lots of people, not too much pollution -- and a nice claret. Would a couple of satellites for dessert be too much? I don't want to look greedy.-- Archie Andrews (Riverdale, USA): Betty. No, Veronica. I mean Betty. No, Veronica. No ...-- Captain Comics (Andrew Smith, Memphis): For everyone to have as much fun with comics as I do! (Contact Andrew Smith of the Memphis Commercial Appeal at capncomics(at)aol.com or visit www.captaincomics.us.)