Picking a gift for Bill in accounting

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As we come down to the wire, most holiday shoppers have crossed all the names from their lists. The parents are covered, the siblings have their something, and the significant other has a significant present under the tree.But in your shopping, did you happen to recall the most neglected recipient of all? The odds are good that you've forgotten at least one key person -- someone you see more than your mother, brother, and significant other combined.For whatever reason, the most last-minute of last-minute gifts is reserved, every year, for the coworker.Of course, not all coworkers are gift-worthy. This is why White Elephant office parties were invented -- the opportunity to unload something you don't want on someone you can't stand. Bill in accounting saddled with your salami sampler? Now that's a Merry Christmas.No, the true coworker gift is reserved for two key colleagues: those who do your bidding and those for whom bidding is done. Either way, this particular coworker has put up with you for an entire fiscal year. The least she deserves is some token of your basic humanity.And if that's not enough motivation, she's probably bought something for you.So what to buy for someone who sees you nearly every day yet still limits any personal discussion to observations on weather the and its effects on the commute? It's a tough question, and one that often isn't answered until the final hours of the shopping season.Luckily for us (it would seem) the helpful writers at CNN.com have attempted to answer this question -- or at the very least, to provide some insight. In a recent article on the subject, gifts are separated into "appropriate" and "inappropriate" categories.The appropriate gifts are fairly straightforward and expected: CDs, books, picture frames, and gift cards make the list.Considering a proper coworker relationship is distant enough to involve no discussion of literature or music, we're left with frames and gift cards. Unless your boss is an Aboriginal bushman afraid of the soul-stealing properties of flash photography, he's probably going to have some pictures worth framing. A gift-card to a frame shop is a safe bet.The inappropriate gifts are much less obvious -- not because they are novel or unexpected, but rather because they are so mind-wrenchingly stupid.Topping the list is "intimate apparel." Seriously. Anyone who actually considers purchasing a negligee for a coworker deserves to be fired, or to see that negligee modeled by Bill in accounting.Also making the list is "flashy jewelry." If she's doing your bidding that well, give her a raise. If you insist on giving her a flashy ring, expect to be doing her bidding in a year or so.Item number three is stupid for entirely different reasons. Food is an inappropriate gift because "certain cultures and religions" may not allow it. Regardless of any efforts to keep things professional, if you can go a full year without noting your coworker's adherence to an orthodox dietary restriction, you probably didn't notice it's Christmas, either.A list of appropriate gifts is hardly necessary when a coworker is involved. All that's required is a little common sense and plenty of procrastination. In fact, the only real stipulation to a coworker's present is that you not over think it.After all, she probably bought yours an hour ago.(Ben Grabow writes for the young, the urban, and the easily amused. Contact him at thinlyread(at)gmail.com.)(Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service, http://www.scrippsnews.com)