ShareThisBy SCOTT OSTLER
San Francisco Chronicle
Thursday, October 18, 2007
A mysterious malaise has fallen upon the Los Angeles sports scene.
As a former Angelino -- a therapist would say "recovering Angelino" -- I can't really revel in the misery of my homies. However, you the reader are free to do as you please with the following info. If you live in my neighborhood, though, please keep the noise down after 11 p.m.
You can salute yourselves, first of all, because the Bay Area has contributed to the L.A. woes.
The Dodgers went down hard this year, with an assist from Bay Area gifts former Giants Brett Tomko, Jason Schmidt and Jeff Kent along with ex A Esteban Loaiza.
USC is still reeling from the loss of Lane Kiffin to the Raiders, and from the Trojans' loss to Stanford. Stanford!
Los Angeles fans could seek solace in their NFL team, but Oakland has temporary custody of the Raiders.
Every great city points with pride to its famed superstars, and here is L.A.'s "A" list of current most-newsworthy athletes:
-- O.J. Simpson. Born in San Francisco and lives in Florida (he might soon move to Las Vegas), but because of his USC glory, his Hollywood career, and that little brush with the L.A. law thing, and the new book, Juice is identified with Los Angeles.
-- David Beckham. What's he getting paid? Fifty million bucks per injury?
-- John David Booty. The USC quarterback's hyper-hyped Heisman hopes faded as fast as the Trojans' championship dreams. Broke his finger and bruised his pride against Stanford.
-- Reggie Bush. Big in the news because legal problems loom, charges that Bush (and family) were paid big money while he played at USC, which could result in forfeiture of games and shiny trophies. One of the biz guys behind the alleged sleazy dealing is Mike Ornstein, a former Raiders' exec.
-- Barry Bonds. The Stale Prince of Bel Air. Another Bay Area gift to Los Angeles. If you're in L.A. on a clear night you can see, shining high over the West Side, a twinkling asterisk.
-- Kobe Bryant. The NBA's No. 1 head case has L.A. in a tizzy over his snit with team owner Jerry Buss. The Bay Area could have saved L.A. a lot of trouble by drafting Kobe.
Team-wise, here's the condensed version of L.A.'s misery:
-- Angels. Won their division, went on cruise control and got swept by the Red Sox in the first round of the playoffs. The early word was that skipper (and shot-caller) Mike Scioscia wants no part of Bonds. Now the Angels are so desperate for power to back Vladimir Guerrero that they might consider signing Bonds. That would be like the Girl Scouts hiring Paris Hilton to pimp cookie sales.
-- Dodgers. Finished fourth for the second time in three seasons. It's a cautionary tale for the Giants, because the Dodgers launched their youth movement in midseason, and the kids and vets collided like the opposing sides in "Braveheart." Dodgers will shop the free agent market (A-Rod?). Fun fact from MLB.com's Ken Gurnick: Over the last 10 years, the Dodgers spent about $800 million on 37 multi-year free agents, resulting in one postseason game won.
Bright spot: The Dodgers' all-you-can-eat pavilion is such a success that they might rename the ballpark The Trough.
-- Clippers. Still struggling to escape their bad/sad image. Might as well try to remove a tattoo with a hankie. Forward Elton Brand ruptured an Achilles tendon, will miss half the season. Shaun Livingston mangled a knee. Little hope in sight and nobody cares. If the Clippers were bleeding in the gutter, fans would step over them to get Kobe's autograph.
-- USC football. Oh, how the mighty have slipped on a banana peel. With Pete Carroll ready to split (thank, Jim Harbaugh, for that scoop), it might be time to revive the nickname coined by Bill Walsh -- Yesterday U. Now the Trojans are trying to recruit guys big enough to guard the Heritage Hall's trophy case and protect Bush's Heisman Trophy replica from the repo man.
Insult to injury: Booty broke his middle finger, without which a person can't drive a car in L.A.
-- UCLA football. Not a healthy QB in sight. The Bruinz-z-z-z got Notre Dame off the schneid, and now the Rose Bowl echoes with the chant, "Fire Dorrell!" And that's just from the UCLA bench.
-- Lakers. Los Angeles is, above all, a Lakers town. The Dodgers once owned the city, now they're just renting. So L.A. is Sad City because the Lakers are not good, and Kobe is feuding with owner Jerry Buss. They could be headed for Splitsville.
Buss publicly (and loonily) announced he would consider trading Bryant, and Kobe went all diva, missing three practices and cleaning out his locker. The "locker" story turned out to be exaggerated and Kobe announced, with robotic lack of zest, "I'm ready to strap it up."
I'm not familiar with that expression, but it sounds like a guy agreeing to wear a straightjacket.
Bryant has become L.A.'s version of Barry Bonds '07 -- a beloved, sore-kneed and controversial superstar/media magnet whose main job is to dazzle the fans so they don't notice how bad the team is.
I feel terrible for my former hometown, but what can I do? Wonder if Hallmark makes a card.
(E-mail Scott Ostler at sostler@sfchronicle.com.)
