Unity candles, secular services can mix

By CARLEY RONEY
Scripps Howard News Service
Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Q: Is a unity candle a religious tradition? Or can I have one at my secular wedding?

A: The symbolism behind the unity candle is the uniting of two families through marriage; you light a single candle together from your separate family candles. Though it does take place at many a church ceremony, it doesn't bear any traditional religious significance.

You can most certainly include the tradition at your secular ceremony, or try one of these alternative ideas that don't involve candles: Use two bouquets of flowers that each of your mothers brings down the aisle and places in a separate vase. Then, at the right time during the ceremony, each of you can pluck a single stem from your family's bouquet and place the two stems together in a smaller vase. The Apache have a similar unity custom that involves pouring colored sand into a bowl. Or you can invent your own tradition.

(Carley Roney, co-founder and editor in chief of The Knot, the nation's leading wedding resource, advises millions of brides on modern wedding etiquette at www.theknot.com.)