How to deal with mean people

My boyfriend and I are truly and happily in love. Or so I thought. I thought it was normal for couples to get upset and argue. And then work them out by communicating our truer feelings. However my boyfriend has informed me that I am just a mean person. That I talk down to him and that it is perfectly acceptable for him to change his plans on a whim - as in he told me he was coming home at one time and then shows up two hours after said time, expecting me to be loving and accepting - even if I have just woken up (it usually takes me a minute to adjust after being asleep for more than two hours - and he is fully aware of this - if I feel hurt by his actions I usually voice them however by doing so he will ignore me for the rest of the evening and hopefully enlighten me in the morning as to why he did so. He told me I was talking down to him - why couldn't he just express this early on? It makes it hard for me to talk to him when I feel he has done something wrong. In the beginning of our relationship if something bothered him he would expect me to talk to him or to apologize for my actions - which I have tried wholeheartedly to do if I know which specific action that I have made, that has hurt him - but if he chooses to ignore me and tell me that everything is fine, even though I can tell by his body language and lack of interaction with me, I will never know what I have done wrong and I will never be able to correct it.Instead I will try to work it out in my own head without his input which will only add to the problem. I hold this man very high on a pedestal in my mind. He is wonderful sweet kind and caring - when he wants to be. He is always making sacrifices for others and works more than his share. I would never want to hurt him intentionally, if I do so inadvertently then I would want him to by all means express his feelings so we can grow as a couple and be happy with one another, or at least have an understanding of how the other is feeling. We have very limited free time together so when it is wasted like so I feel like I am being torn apart inside. I feel it is very hypocritical of him to tell me to talk to him when I am upset but it is okay for him to ignore me when he is upset. I want more than anything for him to be happy. He tells me he loves me so much - unlike any woman he has loved before - So I can not understand him when he chooses to just cut me off. I don't feel like we are trying for the same things which only makes me want to be upset with him - which then would only amplify the said "meaness" I have. I want to be able to get past this with him, I don't want to have make a compromise I don't want it all or nothing - I want us to be able to work on what we have and make it better. I want to establish good grounds where we can communicate about the troubles we have.

I can understand why he would try to go on the internet and seek answers, however I think it would be more beneficial to come to me so we can work it out together. I have seen some of the articles he has read and I am scared. I do not know what he truly thinks and I am starting to wonder if I ever knew how he really felt about me. After finding your article saved to his bookmarks I am even more concerned. All people are different all people have a different way of reacting to different situations. I just hope he has enough sense to take in to account my point of view. Don't get me wrong of course if someone was talking down to me I would be offended especially someone I loved and cared for - but I would also ask myself why are they acting this way? Have I done something to offend them as well? And if so how can we work this out so we both feel comfortable. The way we are handling this now if not beneficial to either of us. Obviously I am doing something wrong - maybe I should start expressing myself differently but should I really compromise myself for someone who chooses to punish me so severely and not tell me why. Punishing me by taking away something I love so much is not going to teach me a good lesson. It could be simply I say something offensive and then he ignores me all night - but hey we'll be okay again in the morning when he wants some loving so I won't change anything I do but just endure the pain until he wants me again.

what are you using this forum about cars to explain your personal situation? Sounds like this guy is an ass anyway.

Hi:

Can living with mean people cause depression?

I am going through a really tough time. I am 27 and unfortunately until I get on my feet have to live at my parents house with my two children. They have been really mean to me from putting me down, calling me names and saying thsat they love their other three kids and not me. :-( It really hurts me nto the point of not wanting to live anymore. I am so sad and broken down. I am treated this way even from my brother and so called sister that I hate for ther way she treats me. The only sister or person that cares about me has passed on. I am so tired of this treatment. I am going to school for nursing so I can get on my feet and support my two beautiful children. They also have to live in this hostile environment. All I want is to be happy. My self esteem is so broken down. I wish I had an out other then death. Maybe i am this horrible bad person causwe why are so many people in my family so mean to me. I try so hard to by presents for people just so they will show me some kindness but they do for that breif moment thern its back to treatin me mean. I often sit there and dream that my family will start being kind to me they way that I am kind to them. Maybe i will meet a nice kind man that will love me for me and get me out of this horrible environment that me and my kids have to endure. If not, There will be a day when i graduate nursing school and get that break where I can finally be free and away from this meaness.