ShareThisBy THELMA DOMENICI
Scripps Howard News Service
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Dear Thelma: My daughter and son start their soccer and football seasons this month. I almost dread it because of the stress created on the sidelines by overzealous parent-fans.
The yelling -- positive and negative comments -- can easily get out of control. I even have to admit that I have to keep myself in check a lot of the time. Can you remind us how to behave?
Answer: The first thing to do, even as you are approaching the field, is to remind yourself that the other team's players, their parents and coaches, and the referees are not your enemies.
Make a point to look at people as you approach -- see a dad tying his kid's shoe or a mom sneaking in a quick kiss before the player hits the field. Seek out the good and what you have in common.
In any kind of competition there is a degree of "us versus them," but keep it in perspective. These are families and people who, just like you, are going to take their kids out for ice cream after the game, and who over the course of a season are going to laugh and high-five one day and need hugs and a shoulder for tears another.
If you're a yeller, think seriously about whether it's really helping your child and his team. If you truly have something to add to a team's experience, find out what it takes to become a coach or assistant. Then you can offer your instruction during practice and see its results on the field.
Ask your kids what they think of the way you express your support. If they tell you you're embarrassing them, you should listen and make some changes.
You can also get a sense of yourself by watching a video of a game taken by yourself or someone standing near you. If you'd be annoyed as a fan watching nearby, changes are in order.
Try this exercise: Decide for one game that you will be largely silent. Simply watch the game, enjoy the game and clap or cheer with the entire group when appropriate. That kind of focus might give you the chance to observe some precious moments you might have missed before. It also may help you break the yelling habit.
If you know you should but just can't seem to control it, sit yourself as far back from the field as possible. There, if you choose to yell, your yelling won't bother other fans or players. With such positioning, you might find yelling pointless and won't even want to do it.
(Have a question about etiquette? Ask it at www.askthelma.com.)
