ShareThisBy BARTON GOLDSMITH
Scripps Howard News Service
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Talking negatively about an ex can actually do damage in places where you might not expect it to. Here are 10 reasons to avoid being critical of a past partner.
1. Your current companion will automatically think this is how you would talk about him or her if you broke up.
2. Being the bigger person is so much better for your emotional well-being than being the opposite. It's helpful to accept that whomever you were with brought something good into your life.
3. What comes around goes around. Call it karma if you like, but most of us have seen how this works, so why tempt fate? Keep the negativity to yourself.
4. If you have children from a prior relationship, it's emotionally unhealthy for them to hear you put down their other parent. Just because you're not living together doesn't mean you're not still jointly responsible for your kids. Remember, children learn by example.
5. Everyone eventually tires of the same old song. Your friends may be too kind to tell you, so ask them if your behavior is over the top. If after awhile, you start to bore yourself, change the radio station in your head and tune out ex-talk.
6. Dwelling on the past is unhealthy emotionally. If you can't stop the thoughts in your head or get past the feelings on your own, it's usually a sign that you have some unfinished business.
7. Holding onto anger and pain is also physically unhealthy. Check yourself out and make sure you're not neglecting your body and hurting yourself. If you find that thoughts of your ex make you tighten your muscles, spend some time exercising and get a massage.
8. Feeling uncomfortable is a waste of time. If you're like the rest of us, you have far too many other, more positive things to put your time and energy into.
9. If you ever choose to reconcile, what you are saying now will make that much more difficult. It will even make a friendship challenging and, if you have kids, you need to stay friends.
10. The truth is that life with this person wasn't all bad. Remember that you chose to spend time together because you had things in common. You deserve to keep your memories as nice as possible.
See this as an opportunity to make your life a better place as you remove a reason to not feel good about yourself. Remember that every time you send out negative thoughts, you are also feeling them.
(Dr. Barton Goldsmith is a marriage and family therapist in Westlake, Calif. Contact him at Barton(at)BartonGoldsmith.com. For more stories visit scrippsnews.com)
