By JEWEL KATS and DAVE SILVERBERG
Young People's Press
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Dear Jewel,
I'm 16 and just recently got over a hard breakup. My boyfriend and I were dating for nine months and during that time he told me that he cheated on me with one of my ex-friends. I was so frustrated that he had cheated on me because it hadn't been the first time.
I felt pressured by friends to leave him but I chose not to -- and decided that I was going to cheat on him. He found out I did cheat on him. He got extremely upset and broke it off. Was it wrong for me to cheat on him? Especially with one of my exes, whom he hates?
And is cyber sex considered cheating? To me it is, but he says it's not. Lately I have been hanging with his close friend and we both have crazy feelings for each other. We want to be together but we don't want my ex to hate us.
-- DON'T KNOW
Dear D.K.,
It was wrong of your ex to cheat on you. And, yes, cyber sex does count as a form of treading unfaithful waters.
However, you're not entirely innocent. Instead of voicing your feelings and ultimately steering clear of this dude, you decided to stay put with a vengeful plan. You gave him a taste of his own medicine -- using a relic from your past. The situation doesn't reek of sound judgment, does it?
Ideally, you would've taken some time off from dating post-breakup, but now you've got your eyeballs on a new guy. And this chap is a "close friend" of your ex's! This is a recipe for disaster.
You're not ready for a new relationship, despite those "crazy feelings." What you really need to concentrate on right now is building your self-esteem. Turn to family and friends for a boost; develop your talents both inside and outside school and speak to a librarian and school guidance counselor about finding resources to help you out.
You can do this!
-- Love, Jewel
Dear Dave,
I finally got up the nerve to talk to this one girl at school -- but the year was over! I know where she lives and I have her e-mail address.
Should I contact her over the summer? We'll both be in the same high school in September and I'd like to be going out with her before she meets a bunch of new guys. But I'm kind of shy. What should I do?
-- SHY AT 14
Dear SHY AT 14,
Go for it. Dude, what have you got to lose? Since you both have the summer months off, now's the time to see if you can hang out together outside school. You can try e-mailing her at first, but be straight up about what you want without being, well, creepy. One of my favorite four-letter words is "tact." Try to be cool and suave, without being too aggressive.
Realize one thing, though: Just because she's going to be in school in September, it doesn't mean she's going to be bombarded by offers of courtship. She might be as nervous as you are at school. Maybe you can be the friendly and sweet friend at the beginning of the school year.
In the end, don't back down from what you want. It's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do.
Good luck!
(Got a hot question for our cool columnists? E-mail Jewel or Dave at writeus(at)ypp.net or check them out on-line at http://www.ypp.net.)
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