ShareThisBy Dr. YVONNE FOURNIER
Scripps Howard News Service
Thursday, May 10, 2007
DEAR DR. FOURNIER: My son knows we expect him to do his homework in the afternoon so that we do not have late nights. This has worked, but now he wants to go out and play after school. As the days have gotten longer, his attention span has gotten shorter. This happened last year, and we ended up fighting.
This year he will have final exams for the first time and I do not want to be fighting. We have planned many activities for him this summer, so he knows he is going to have fun. He just needs to work a little harder until school is out.
How can I get this across to him without yelling?
THE ASSESSMENT: At this time every year, the irresistible force -- the expectation of summer fun -- meets the immovable object -- final exams -- and the result is that "something's gotta give." What we often give up is what we desire most -- a calm family atmosphere.
Just when school is most demanding, the days grow longer, giving children more daylight for fun. Add to that the desire to participate in outdoor activities and the special springtime events, and preparing for final exams can become the last thing on a child's mind.
Although parents want their children to anticipate the fun of vacation, children often cannot stop with mere anticipation -- they often want it now, and summer hysteria sets in.
WHAT TO DO: Sit with your child and determine a daily routine that will keep the end of the school year as calm as possible, without summer hysteria. Use the terms below during summer planning so your child can distinguish between different responsibilities, tasks, thoughts and emotions. Your routine should be based on the completion of tasks and on the emotions that take children away from doing those tasks -- not on hours.
When discussing the new routine, use the following terms to describe what your son must schedule:
-- Responsibility time. This can be broken into two categories. The first is homework and study time, which your son can accomplish as usual after school or in the early evening. The second category is final-exam preparation, which your child must do every day until the exams. Parents must monitor this preparation time every day; otherwise, it is easy for the child to procrastinate, which creates even more stress. Ask your child to periodically show you what notes he has prepared for the exam or what study guides he has received.
-- Fun time. This time must be scheduled and monitored daily; otherwise, it can tend to become longer and longer.
-- Anticipation time. This is the time to dream about summer, but it should occur only periodically -- perhaps once or twice a week.
After setting an end-of-the-school-year routine, make a summer calendar and put it where your child can see it. Write in activities you know about so your child can visualize them. Remember to look at the calendar realistically. Although we try to do it all during the summer, that unrealistic view often turns pleasure into stress. Ask yourself -- not your child -- if the tension and stress will be worth it. Many summers bring about tears because no one knew how to respect the need to be still.
As parents, we must teach our children how to cope with the emotions of anticipation and not throw anticipation at them to help them cope with today.
(Write Dr. Yvonne Fournier, Fournier Learning Strategies Inc., 5900 Poplar, Memphis, Tenn. 38119. E-mail YF7thsense(at)aol.com.)
