ShareThisBy BARTON GOLDSMITH
Scripps Howard News Service
Thursday, May 10, 2007
My mom had some major attitude about Mother's Day. She hated the long waits and overpriced preset menus that many restaurants do for brunch, she thought that cut flowers were a waste of money, and she always asked us not to buy her anything because she didn't want to be possessed by her possessions. She preferred that the family just hang out and spend the day together.
If we showed our love and respect for her only one day out of the year, she used to say, she would not have raised us right. As much as I enjoy the convenience of a holiday telling me when, where, and what I need to do, I see her point.
I do realize that not everyone got good mothering, but in general, I think that many mothers are greatly underappreciated. It can be a thankless job. Mother's Day isn't about the celebration, it's about remembering and sharing your love. This is the woman who not only gave birth to you (which at the very least is an arduous process) but who also changed your poopy diapers, nursed you when you were sick, and made sure your socks matched.
This holiday is a great opportunity to teach little kids how to verbalize their feelings of love and also let them freely express it in their own ways. The older ones may also have to be coached on how to show their gratitude for being born and raised. Remind them that it's not so hard to do. Just volunteering to spend Sunday with Mom rather than with friends may be enough.
I also suggest that instead of making the usual plans this year, ask your mother what it is she would really like for this Mother's Day. It's possible that she will want the same things as usual, but giving her the opportunity to pick and choose is another way of showing that you love her.
Holiday traditions may need to change to take into account how our lives transition and mature. The type of celebrations that worked for Mom a decade or so ago may not be what floats her boat today. Things change when you go from being a daughter celebrating with your mom to becoming a mother and then a grandmother. You may choose to celebrate as an extended group or with just your nuclear family. The way you do the day isn't as important as the reason that we celebrate it. The goal is to show love to the women in our lives who have helped us become who we are today.
Perhaps the most valuable thing you can give your mother is the gift of time. Making sure that you call or visit on a regular basis is a good start. Add to it some basic listening skills and the ability to change a light bulb, and you get the idea. For most moms, just being with the children they love is the best gift. The real truth is that it's our presence -- not our presents -- that makes their day.
(Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., is the author of "Emotional Fitness for Couples." Contact him at Barton(at)BartonGoldsmith.com. For more stories visit scrippsnews.com)
