ShareThisBy JEWEL KATS and DAVE SILVERBERG
Young People's Press
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Dear Jewel,
I'm 17 and overweight. My whole family is overweight, but I'm the only one concerned about it.
We always have lots of food, lots of snacks, and lots of Pepsi around the house. How do I get out of this spiral of eating and drinking all the time?
I want to date, but I need to lose 50 pounds.
-- PORKY
Dear Friend,
The moment I read your sign-off my heart cracked. Being overweight doesn't make you an animal. Referring to yourself as "Porky" falls into the derogatory-name-calling jurisdiction regardless if it's you who's hurling the self-damaging insults. So quit doing it. You're doing more harm than you realize.
Now, let's get to the business of your calorie-laden home environment and your desire to shed unwanted pounds. I got in touch with Elke Sengmueller, a dietitian who advises you to stop at your family doctor's office and butt out the idea of going on a diet for once and all.
She says, "If you think you are overweight, I would recommend that you get a complete assessment from your (family) doctor. Ask for a referral to see a registered dietitian with expertise in working with teens and weight issues. Whatever you do, do not start a diet. Diets have a 95 percent failure rate and usually result in more weight gain in the end. It turns into a vicious cycle with negative health consequences."
Once you've hooked up with health professionals, you'll have the much-needed support to help you turn a new lettuce leaf when it comes to your eating patterns. According to Sengmueller, you mustn't feel responsible for controlling the unsound dietary habits of your family members. You can, however, act as a role model.
"Newly health-conscious teens," she says, "are in a challenging situation when living with loved ones who are not on the same wavelength regarding looking after their health. It's nearly impossible to change others who are not ready to change, but you can start by setting an example and looking after your own health."
If you want to see wholesome foods added to your junk-food-littered kitchen cabinets, you've got to step up and make your desires heard. Sengmueller encourages you to play an active role in family grocery-shopping excursions. She goes on to warn that there's a chance your new food choices may not be readily embraced by your kin. Even so, you have to remain steadfast in your commitments.
As for dating, you're totally misguided in your notion that you have to lose 50 pounds to enter Cupid's playing field. Wrong. Sengmueller agrees:
"Dating and relationships can happen at ANY size! People are more attracted to others who appear confident, try new things and have good self-esteem. It's hard to have good self-esteem when you are thinking of yourself as being 'Porky.' Adopting a healthy lifestyle where one eats in a balanced way -- not dieting! -- and gets regular activity does wonders for self-confidence."
Remember: Being overweight doesn't make you any less of a person. You can still enjoy life despite sporting a fuller figure.
Sengmueller says, "Contrary to popular culture, being overweight does not have to be a negative experience. ... Overweight people can do anything a thinner person can: play sports, eat healthy, get good grades, be funny, etc."
-- Love, Jewel
Hi Dave,
My best friend is a great guy, but he's really insecure around girls. Every time he asks a girl out it has to be a double date with me and my girlfriend. He's afraid to go it alone.
This was OK the first few times, but we're getting a little tired of him talking to us all night, instead of his date. We really don't want to double date with him anymore, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. We've been friends since we were 6.
We have another year of high school left and we'll both likely stay in town for college. I can see him trying to drag this on forever. Any advice?
-- TIRED OF SHARING
Dear TIRED OF SHARING,
Your story reminds me of a "Seinfeld" episode in which George double dates with his friend Jerry because he feels comfortable with his friend. It's easier for him to express his feelings with his buddy beside him, because it's doesn't feel so "date-y."
I'm guessing your friend comes from the same mindset, but, like George, he has to grow up. No one should be double dating every time he goes out with a girlfriend.
Here's what you do, and it isn't easy: Don't double date with your friend anymore. Tell him it's over, you prefer time alone with your girl and you think it's for the best. For both of you.
Let him know you want him to be independent and to finally do what any boyfriend should do -- spend one-on-one time with his date. It's not an unreasonable request. And if you explain your decision without losing your temper, your buddy should understand where you're coming from.
What you should avoid at all costs is apathy. Don't let this situation drag on longer than you want. If you're looking to make your friend independent, you have to act quickly but tactfully.
Good luck!
(Got a hot question for our cool columnists? E-mail Jewel or Dave at writeus(at)ypp.net or check them out on-line at http://www.ypp.net.)
(Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service, http://www.scrippsnews.net)
