ShareThisMinneapolis-St. Paul Star Tribune
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Money is the No. 1 reason couples fight. Financial experts warn that unless couples find healthy ways to discuss money, the problem could lead to divorce. The financial industry has responded with couples and money books, counseling, even classes.
Here are some other sources of information:
"The Family CFO: The Couples Business Plan for Love & Money," by Mary Claire Allvine and Christine Larson
"he Big Payoff: 8 Steps Couples Can Take to Make the Most of Their Money and Live Richly Ever After," by Sharon Epperson
"For Richer, Not Poorer: The Money Book for Couples," by Ruth Hayden
"Financial Bliss: A Couples Guide to Merging Money Styles and Building a Rich Life Together," by Bambi Holzer
"Your Money and Your Man," by Michelle Singletary
Here is a sampling of questions from Ruth Haydens money history handout. Answer the questions as if you were 8-years-old, or at an age when you first remember money. There are no right answers. Then share the answers with your partner, following Haydens advice, "No shame, no blame."
1. Set the scene. What do you look like? Where do you live? With whom?
2. What if there is something you really need? What do you do? Do you ask? Who do you ask? If you ask, what would be the response?
3. What if there is something you really want? What do you do? Do you ask? Who do you ask? If you ask, what would be the response?
4. What does it mean to be rich? Are you rich? Are your friends? How do you know?
5. What does it mean to be poor? Are you poor? Are your friends? How do you know?
6. Who earns the money in the family? From the perspective of you as a child, does that person do a "good job" earning the money? Why?
7. Who spends the money? Do they do a "good job" making spending decisions? How do you know?
8. Who pays the bills in the family? Do they do a "good job?"
9. Do any adults talk with you about money? Who? What do they say?
10. Do you get spending money or an allowance? Do the adults in your life think you do a "good job" spending it?
Here are a some questions to discuss with your partner from Chapter 1 of Haydens book, "For Richer, Not Poorer: The Money Book for Couples":
Can a discussion about how much money is enough cause conflict?
Do you and your partner ever argue about the amount of money to spend on something? Describe the conflict.
Do you and your partner ever argue over the amount of money you earn? If so, is the conflict over the amount of money or the lack of money earned? Is the conflict over the amount of time you spend away from home earning money?
How would you describe your own level of comfort with debt? How much debt would make you uncomfortable?
What kinds of debt would cause you the most anxiety? Why?
Is there any stress in your relationship due to your different comfort levels with debt?
Do you argue more over small items or large items? Why, do you suppose?
What started the last money argument you and your partner had over a large money expenditure?
What was the last argument you had over a small money expenditure?
(Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service, www.shns.com.)
