By RICK KUSHMAN
Thursday, March 15, 2007
We've got all kinds of goofy little things going on in TV at the moment. None of them means much, but when have I let relevance stop me?
First, because I'm a fan and knew this would happen: According to a bunch of press reports, the ripped-from-the-headlines franchise "Law & Order" plans to do an episode in May ripped from the tale of Anna Nicole Smith.
It'll be on the "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" series, which has developed into the best whodunit piece of the "L&O" brand, as creator Dick Wolf likes to call it.
When any "L&O" uses a real-world story, there's always a serious, and more-intriguing-than real-life twist, though it's hard to imagine it getting any weirder than Smith's real story and the continuing court fights.
And "Law & Order" always treats the subjects with intelligence, which is more than you can say about the cable news coverage of the Smith saga. It has out-breathlessed even the Hollywood kiss-up shows like "Extra" and "Entertainment Tonight."
Also, according to The Washington Post, the guy being considered for the fictional version of Howard K. Stern, Smith's lawyer, confidant and alleged lover, is Jon Lovitz. Perfect.
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Next up, NBC announced this week it's creating two new reality-style shows that make you wonder if there are any knuckleheaded stunts people wouldn't do to get on TV.
The first is something scheduled for April called "The Real Wedding Crashers." It's from MTV's "Punk'd" creators, Ashton Kutcher and Jason Goldberg, and the show will be exactly what all that implies. They'll punk a wedding with crashers.
The happy couple will be in on the "fun," because, as the NBC press release more or less says, who wants a wedding day you'll cherish? Better to be a jerk and make the people you love uncomfortable. Sounds like a great start for a marriage.
The other show follows along. It's called "The Baby Borrowers," and, I kid you not, it will find couples ages 16 to 19 and have them adopt an infant for three days. Then they'll get a toddler, then a pre-teen, then a teenager. Finally, Child Protective Services will come out and arrest them.
That last part isn't planned for the show, I'm just hoping. And isn't that just what we need, more kids as parents? Plus the couples will be given family pets, just to make sure more creatures get mistreated.
The show comes courtesy of the BBC, where child-advocate groups complained, but TV execs there said there were child-care experts on hand, just in case.
So here's my question: What kind of idiot parents hand over their baby to be part of this? The answer, apparently, is the kind of idiots who think getting on TV matters.
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And then there's the online casino bodog.com and its betting line on whether "Dancing With the Stars" contestant Heather Mills will lose her artificial leg on the show. Do you not love online betting, or what?
Mills, the estranged wife of Paul McCartney, has used a prosthetic since she lost a leg below the knee in a 1993 motorcycle accident. And she's said she's doing "Dancing" to show that people with prosthetics can, indeed, samba. She's also going along with the implied joke in the betting line.
"As much as everyone would love to see it go flying," Mills told Britain's Sky News, and potential bettors, this week, "I'm sure it's not going to come off."
Probably best to know that, because there's not much money to be made from the long odds. For a yes bet to pay off _ at $4.25 for every $1 bet _ Mills' leg "must fall off, not be taken off, during a dance routine." A no bet takes $8 to get a $1 payoff, and the maximum bet is $50.
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Finally, in a non-goofy item: Here's a heads-up for people with digital cable who get the National Geographic Channel (or who can wait for the DVD). There is a spectacular, and I mean spectacular, three-hour documentary at 8 p.m. EDT Sunday called "Galapagos."
It's a meticulously and lushly photographed essay on the cluster of small islands 600 miles off the coast of Ecuador that are like no other place on Earth. And it's the first major documentary on the islands in more than two decades.
Because of the isolation from major land masses, unique geological forces, still-active volcanoes and both warm and cold currents that are like oceanic highways across the planet, the Galapagos are vibrant isles with wildlife, like the blue-footed boobies or the marine iguanas, found nowhere else.
The Galapagos helped shape Charles Darwin's theories on evolution and they still show scientists how life adapts to its surroundings and how interdependent species can be. All of this is told with careful clarity and a mesmerizing view of the place.
(Contact Rick Kushman at rkushman@sacbee.com.)
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