Forget "Mr. Right" - What about the Right Mr. Pretty Good?

Ah, so now I'm in the majority on something at last. The New York times reports that perhaps for the first time in history, 51% of adult women in the United States are living without a spouse.

Personally, I've never been comfortable being in the majority on anything. It makes me think I'm doing something wrong, or that I'm mistakenly "going with the crowd." In a way, this is yet another example - I certainly never wanted to be in THIS majority!

Most women will still eventually marry at least once in their lives. But later marriages and more divorces means that at some point a majority of us are single.

To hear the Times report it, this is nothing but celebratory news. The women interviewed for the article were largely revelling in their freedom. One woman told the Times, "I'm in a place in my life where I'm comfortable. . . I can do what I want, when I want, with whom I want."

That, to me, is one of the worst problems with adults who are singles for long periods of time, whether men or women. It just emphasizes a rampant and, I would argue, unhealthy hyper-individualism. Our lives become more and more "all about me."

Besides - I just don't believe most of these women. If they were asked, "if you could be married to a really great guy, would you"? I'm convinced they would all answer "yes." Most adults, especially women, do want to be married. The problem is how they would define "great." I'm convinced many of these women would provide a list a mile long of how "he" would have to meet "her" needs. But what about providing for his needs?

Reverse the sexes, and you find the same problem. That's not just about the older singles, I see it becoming more and more true in relationships across the board. "How can my spouse meet MY needs?" Which also provides, probably, at least one big reason for high divorce rates.

Look, I'd love to get married again and sure, there are "must-haves." For the record, they are that he have a Christian witness, good teeth, know every episode of "Seinfeld" by heart, and be able to name every Rod Stewart album - in order.

In the meantime, I don't have to worry too much about "enjoying" my freedom. Raising four young kids on my own forces me to focus on "other" whether I want to or not! But sure, my natural tendency is to be "all about me," too. I'm just saying, I get that. And I'm quite open about the fact that I'm not "savoring singleness" like some of the gals in the Times piece pretend to.

And okay, forget "Mr. Right" - I just look forward to one day meeting the right "Mr. pretty good."